Chapter 31: A Woman's Opinion

Khushi's smile faded from her face and she twisted her fingers together as her kids disappeared into the building. Tears of worry rushed into her eyes, separation from Amber and Aditya hitting her like a wall. Then she felt a warm hand cover both of hers and she looked to her side to face Arnav. He wiped her cheeks with his free hand and smiled slightly.

"They'll be fine Khushi...they're going to school, not war." Arnav tried to explain calmly.

Khushi sniffed and blinked rapidly. "I've never left them with strangers...right now, they're surrounded by strangers! What if they need me?"

"Did you see how excited they were? They'll be fine Khushi." Arnav squeezed her shoulder gently.

He hated those damned tears in her eyes. He knew that being away from her kids was difficult for her. He hugged her cautiously, as always, and relaxed when he felt her hugging him back. She had been oddly silent all weekend and especially this morning.

Arnav had spent the weekend at her house again, on Amber and Aditya's request. Sunday night, he prepared to leave but Khushi had taken him by surprise and asked him to stay that night.

"I know I probably make no sense right now but please...if you don't mind staying tonight...please stay."

He looked at her with a stunned expression on his face.

"They start school tomorrow and I'm nervous about it...Besides...as their father...I feel like you should be with them tomorrow. Of course...only if you want to be there."

It was another one of their firsts and he wasn't going to miss out on this one, so he had agreed. They'd had a good week, the four of them. Arnav had ended up being at her house every day for dinner; his after dinner coffee with Khushi and then he had headed home. Friday night they had gone out to an arcade along with Kripa, Angad, and their children. There were meaningful glances exchanged between Kripa and Khushi. Angad had even taken Khushi aside to discuss something with her, though Arnav never asked. He was, however, somewhat sure that their discussion had to do something with him because she'd come back with a blush adorning her milky cheeks.

Saturday, Arnav and Khushi had spent with the kids, deciding to put off their date till a later day. Arnav hadn't been bothered by that in the slightest. He knew that she wanted to spend more time with her kids before they went off to school. Besides, the past week had been more than blissful for Arnav. Khushi had continued with her new greeting style: kissing his cheek. And he had continued with his newly found privilege: hugging her without asking for permission. Every Hello and every good bye, as long as they were alone, started off with him giving her hug, and her kissing his cheek as she pulled away.

Another silver lining was that Khushi hadn't caught him during his nightmares after that one day. The weekdays he had slept at his own house and he was thankful for the bit of distance because that meant she couldn't witness the horror again. On the weekend, when he had woken up, he had looked for Khushi in the room but he never found her. He would sigh in relief and get started with his morning routine. He would never know that both days when he had slept over at her house, Khushi had been standing right outside his door until she heard him scream out her name. Then, with a heavy heart, she would walk away, giving him the space he needed.

The hug they were sharing right now, standing outside the school building was probably the first affectionate gesture they'd shared openly in front of Kripa and Angad. Of course, like Anjali, both Kripa and Angad had noticed the sweet glances and smiles, the gentle and subtle touches on the arm and shoulders. They weren't blind! But seeing them like this made Kripa really happy and she beamed a big smile at Angad.

"I think they'll make it through this just fine." She whispered to him.

"I think so too." Angad whispered back.

"Yeah...but I think I need to have a little talk with Arnav..." Kripa whispered.

"So you noticed it too?" Angad smirked at his wife.

"Obviously...how many times have you hugged me like that?" Kripa rolled her eyes.

"Do you think I should talk to him instead of you...you know...guy to guy kinda thing." Angad suggested.

Kripa shook her head and looked at Arnav. "He needs a woman's point of view on this..."

Arnav caught Kripa's eyes and she wiggled her eyebrows at him teasingly. Arnav rolled his eyes and patted Khushi's back.

"We have audience." He murmured.

Khushi's cheeks burned red as she slowly pulled away.

"Thank you." She said quietly, wiping her face one more time.

Kripa stepped up and gave her a quick hug too.

"It happens Khushi...remember how badly I was crying when Sur started school?"

Khushi frowned. "You were crying because she was crying..."

Kripa shrugged. "That's irrelevant...the point is, most moms cry when their babies start school. Likes it's a rite of passage that we can't miss out on or something."

Kripa joked and Khushi smiled back. The two couples got into their respective cars and started driving towards the orphanage.

Once there, as Arnav had assumed, Khushi got somewhat distracted by work and by lunch time, she seemed more herself compared to this morning. The orphanage was oddly quiet and Arnav found himself getting bored at his desk. Khushi was in a meeting with a couple who wanted to adopt a young boy. Arnav sat there, trying to think of what to do for their next date. He seemed to be doing that a lot and every time he just came up with the same old thing: A nice dinner. He groaned in frustration precisely the moment Kripa walked up to his desk.

"I'm sorry to have upset you with my visit." Kripa teased.

Arnav's head snapped up to look at her. "Oh...I'm...I'm sorry...I didn't see you."

"Do you see anyone apart from Khushi these days?" Kripa raised an eyebrow.

Arnav bit his bottom lip to keep from grinning. "What's up?"

"How long till her meeting is done?" Kripa jerked her head towards the closed door of Khushi's cabin.

"Another 15 minutes." Arnav answered immediately.

"I just came to invite you two to join Angad and me for lunch. As far as I know of her schedule, it's pretty much free all afternoon. It's become really quiet here without the kids..." Kripa looked out the window to see an empty field which would be otherwise filled with a group of children running around and playing.

"I'll let her know." Arnav eyed her for a moment. "Anything up?"

Kripa raised both her eyebrows. "No. Should there be anything up?"

Arnav shrugged. "Just wondering why you've invited us for lunch..."

"we haven't really spent much time together since Angad's aunt had the attack...partly your fault...you always have her out with you!" Kripa accused teasingly.

Arnav smiled and looked at the desk. "And that's a bad thing?"

Kripa chuckled. "Of course not. How's it going with her, by the way?"

Arnav tilted his head to the side and looked at her. "As if you already don't know. I'm sure you've heard everything from her...you know...women love talking."

Kripa rolled her eyes. "Of course I know her side of things. I was asking about you. You're my friend too, you know. How are you feeling about all of this?"

"I think it's going well...I mean...she's agreeing to go out with me...on Amber and Aditya's request, she's let me stay the night at her place...she seems to be okay with this." He looked at the door with a small frown on his face.

Kripa's jaw dropped. She was appalled. "Okay?? Okay with this? Arnav...you have got to open your eyes and ears! From what I can see and from what she has told me...I think she's more than just okay with this. I know what you're doing. Angad did this too. Stop letting your guilt get in the way. It's one thing if it keeps you in check of your actions and completely another if it keeps you from expressing yourself."

Arnav looked at her with raised eyebrows as she pulled a chair from the waiting area to next to his and took a seat.

"Arnav...you need to talk to her openly. I know you've always been a man of a few words but in critical situations like these, you have to verbalize your feelings and your fears. Just like she does. Open communication is very important. Don't let guilt cloud that...may it be your body language or your verbal speech. See...Angad wouldn't hug me...let alone that...he wouldn't touch me in any physical way without asking every single time."

Arnav stilled. That fact was starkly familiar. Isn't that what he did?

"And don't get me wrong...the first few days; I was awed that he respected my space so much. When I felt comfortable, I started giving him hugs and he would still not initiate anything...at one point, it got very frustrating and I had to just ask him to stop doing that." Kripa explained further.

Arnav swallowed. Damn it. This was too familiar.

"And as if that wasn't bad...he followed suit with ever little step...holding hands, intimate hugs, kisses, you name it!" Kripa rolled her eyes dramatically.

Arnav's heart flipped at the mention of kisses. His mind automatically whipped through a number of images of Khushi kissing his cheek.

"And I understand why he did that...I understand that he was afraid of hurting me again or crossing some boundary...but you see...after a certain comfort level is reached, verbal permission is almost offensive." Kripa paused to gauge his reaction. He looked confused so she went on. "I'm not saying you just go ahead and do what you feel like but there's better ways of seeking permission. I saw it this morning. The way you hugged her. You were tensed until she hugged you back. If I sensed it being a spectator, trust me, she definitely noticed it."

Arnav wasn't sure where Kripa was going with this. He had hugged Khushi without asking for permission.

"You need to feel more comfortable and confident around her. How do you expect her to trust you if you can't trust yourself? A hint of confidence in men is attractive. Not over-confidence...that's a turn off. Shoe confidence in different ways...you know...if you know she's okay with you hugging her; hug her without being as stiff as a board. If you know she's okay with you holding her hand, reach out with confidence and take it. Khushi is very expressive...through her words and her body language. Trust me, she'll make it clear if you do something and it makes her uncomfortable."

"What exactly are you trying to say, Kripa?" Arnav cut in at last to stop her from beating around the bush more.

"I'm trying to say that she senses your nervousness and lack of confidence and even though she is alright with it now, later on, it will hold her back because she'll worry about making you uncomfortable. You've given her the liberty to choose the intimacy level she feels comfortable at...and that's good...but once you know where she has set the level...you have to make sure you're there too. You can't lag behind. It has to be equal give and take." Kripa paused again as she saw him considering everything she'd said.

Before either of them had the chance to say anything more, the door to Khushi's cabin opened and a happy looking couple stepped out. They bid Arnav goodbye after booking their next appointment and left. Khushi stepped out and was slightly surprised to see Kripa there.

"I came to invite you two for lunch...since all of us are pretty much free this afternoon; I thought we should catch up." Kripa suggested with a smile.

Khushi agreed and the three went to join Angad, who was waiting very impatiently.

That afternoon, Khushi fidgeted with her hands in the passenger seat of Arnav's SUV as he drove towards the school. Khushi was anxious to know how her twins' first day at school been. Would they step out smiling because they had had an amazing day or would they step out tearful because they missed their mom? Arnav's quietness wasn't helping either. He seemed to be lost in thoughts and Khushi didn't bother to snap him out of whatever inner monologue he was having.

Within minutes, they were parked and waiting for Amber and Aditya to step out along with Angad and Kripa who waited for Prateek and Sur. Khushi held her breath as the bell rang. A few minutes later, she saw, much to her relief, an ecstatic looking Aditya and a happy looking Amber step out of the crowd of Kids. Khushi walked up to them, beaming a smile herself, as if she'd seen her children after ages. She kneeled and both kids hugged her. As she stood up, they noticed their buddy standing against the car, with his arms crossed across his chest as he smiled at the scenario in front of him. The twins immediately ran to him and greeted him the same way they had greeted Khushi.

Most of their drive home consisted of the twins filling in Arnav and Khushi on their first day at school. They gushed about their teacher who seemed to be a sweet lady from the way the kids talked about her. Khushi had obviously met her and had liked her instantly but finding that the kids loved her too was a relief.

The kids busied themselves with some drawing the teacher had asked them to make while Khushi got started on the dinner. She was very aware of a set of eyes that followed her around the kitchen from the dining table.

Stupid Laad governor. He's been so damned quiet since lunch time. And what's with these weird looks? What's going through his mind? I thought he was supposed to be approving some designs for AR. He sure as hell wasn't going to approve anything if he didn't look at the screen. Just turn to look at him and he'll look away like he does every time. As if I'm going to kill him by looking at him. Sigh. I wish he would say what was on his mind for a change. His silence is so scary sometimes. It's so obvious something's going through his mind! Shut up Khushi and focus on the stupid pasta.

She continued cooking, trying to avoid the feel of the eyes on her.

Dinner, as usual, was a cheerful event. The kids were tired from their day at school and went to sleep early after dinner. Khushi and Arnav found themselves sitting on the bench by the rose bush instead of the couch. Arnav looked at a patch of lilies across from them as he continued to think about something.

"Are you okay?" Khushi asked, sounding concerned.

Arnav looked at her with a start. Crap. Has she been saying something to him?

"W-what?" Arnav stammered.

"I asked if you were okay...you've been quiet since lunch time."

"I was just thinking about us..." He replied, looking into the mug of coffee.

"Oh..." was Khushi's reply.

"Aren't you going to ask what I was thinking?" He said teasingly, wanting her to ask. He'd thought all day about Kripa's advice and had realized how correct she was. He'd made a resolution: he was going to follow her advice.

Khushi, in response to his question, smiled slightly. "Would you really tell me if I asked?"

"Maybe. But you'd have to try and ask." He looked at her with a glint in his eyes. He didn't miss the surprise that flickered across hers.

"What were you thinking...about us?" Khushi asked.

Arnav smiled sadly. "I was thinking how one decision can change the course of your life...my decision to not listen to you that day and go in for that meeting changed our lives...it changed everything...and my decision to come here to adopt a child changed our lives again...all it takes is one decision...I'd never really given much thought to how many lives could be connected to an individual's decision..."

A few seconds later, Khushi spoke up. "You're right...sometimes one decision is all it takes..."

He looked at her. He had the feeling that her answer wasn't referring to either of the decisions he'd referred to. He was sure, in the next instant, when he felt her free hand take hold of his, that she was talking about her decision to give their relationship a chance. The confidence she had in her decision only made him more confident about his resolution.

An hour later, when they stood at the doorway, bidding goodbye, Arnav took the first step for the sake of his new decision. He didn't stand as stiff as a board. He had easily wrapped his arms around her snugly and had immediately felt the difference in her response. He could feel her smile against his shoulder, her grip around him was tighter than usual. This felt different. It was more liberating, more welcoming. It felt as if nothing had gone wrong in their lives, it felt as if everything was absolutely normal. Life was all sunshine, rainbows, and flowers. The grey clouds which tended to hover around him had suddenly disappeared.

As they pulled apart, Khushi placed a lingering kiss on his left cheek, her arms still halfway around his torso. She looked at him with crimson cheeks and glittering eyes, a serene smile tugging at her lips.

"Goodnight Arnav." Her sweet breath fanned his face and then she took a step back.

His mind vaguely registered that his hands were still resting on her waist. "Good night Khushi."

But neither moved another inch for what seemed like a long minute. Then Arnav had reluctantly let go of a smiling Khushi and had walked to his car. He'd turned to look at her once before he got into the car and had found her smiling widely at him. With a quick exchange of waves, he had driven away, leaving a gushing Khushi behind.

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