Chapter 31: A Woman's Opinion

Khushi's smile faded from her face and she twisted her fingers together as her kids disappeared into the building. Tears of worry rushed into her eyes, separation from Amber and Aditya hitting her like a wall. Then she felt a warm hand cover both of hers and she looked to her side to face Arnav. He wiped her cheeks with his free hand and smiled slightly.

"They'll be fine Khushi...they're going to school, not war." Arnav tried to explain calmly.

Khushi sniffed and blinked rapidly. "I've never left them with strangers...right now, they're surrounded by strangers! What if they need me?"

"Did you see how excited they were? They'll be fine Khushi." Arnav squeezed her shoulder gently.

He hated those damned tears in her eyes. He knew that being away from her kids was difficult for her. He hugged her cautiously, as always, and relaxed when he felt her hugging him back. She had been oddly silent all weekend and especially this morning.

Arnav had spent the weekend at her house again, on Amber and Aditya's request. Sunday night, he prepared to leave but Khushi had taken him by surprise and asked him to stay that night.

"I know I probably make no sense right now but please...if you don't mind staying tonight...please stay."

He looked at her with a stunned expression on his face.

"They start school tomorrow and I'm nervous about it...Besides...as their father...I feel like you should be with them tomorrow. Of course...only if you want to be there."

It was another one of their firsts and he wasn't going to miss out on this one, so he had agreed. They'd had a good week, the four of them. Arnav had ended up being at her house every day for dinner; his after dinner coffee with Khushi and then he had headed home. Friday night they had gone out to an arcade along with Kripa, Angad, and their children. There were meaningful glances exchanged between Kripa and Khushi. Angad had even taken Khushi aside to discuss something with her, though Arnav never asked. He was, however, somewhat sure that their discussion had to do something with him because she'd come back with a blush adorning her milky cheeks.

Saturday, Arnav and Khushi had spent with the kids, deciding to put off their date till a later day. Arnav hadn't been bothered by that in the slightest. He knew that she wanted to spend more time with her kids before they went off to school. Besides, the past week had been more than blissful for Arnav. Khushi had continued with her new greeting style: kissing his cheek. And he had continued with his newly found privilege: hugging her without asking for permission. Every Hello and every good bye, as long as they were alone, started off with him giving her hug, and her kissing his cheek as she pulled away.

Another silver lining was that Khushi hadn't caught him during his nightmares after that one day. The weekdays he had slept at his own house and he was thankful for the bit of distance because that meant she couldn't witness the horror again. On the weekend, when he had woken up, he had looked for Khushi in the room but he never found her. He would sigh in relief and get started with his morning routine. He would never know that both days when he had slept over at her house, Khushi had been standing right outside his door until she heard him scream out her name. Then, with a heavy heart, she would walk away, giving him the space he needed.

The hug they were sharing right now, standing outside the school building was probably the first affectionate gesture they'd shared openly in front of Kripa and Angad. Of course, like Anjali, both Kripa and Angad had noticed the sweet glances and smiles, the gentle and subtle touches on the arm and shoulders. They weren't blind! But seeing them like this made Kripa really happy and she beamed a big smile at Angad.

"I think they'll make it through this just fine." She whispered to him.

"I think so too." Angad whispered back.

"Yeah...but I think I need to have a little talk with Arnav..." Kripa whispered.

"So you noticed it too?" Angad smirked at his wife.

"Obviously...how many times have you hugged me like that?" Kripa rolled her eyes.

"Do you think I should talk to him instead of you...you know...guy to guy kinda thing." Angad suggested.

Kripa shook her head and looked at Arnav. "He needs a woman's point of view on this..."

Arnav caught Kripa's eyes and she wiggled her eyebrows at him teasingly. Arnav rolled his eyes and patted Khushi's back.

"We have audience." He murmured.

Khushi's cheeks burned red as she slowly pulled away.

"Thank you." She said quietly, wiping her face one more time.

Kripa stepped up and gave her a quick hug too.

"It happens Khushi...remember how badly I was crying when Sur started school?"

Khushi frowned. "You were crying because she was crying..."

Kripa shrugged. "That's irrelevant...the point is, most moms cry when their babies start school. Likes it's a rite of passage that we can't miss out on or something."

Kripa joked and Khushi smiled back. The two couples got into their respective cars and started driving towards the orphanage.

Once there, as Arnav had assumed, Khushi got somewhat distracted by work and by lunch time, she seemed more herself compared to this morning. The orphanage was oddly quiet and Arnav found himself getting bored at his desk. Khushi was in a meeting with a couple who wanted to adopt a young boy. Arnav sat there, trying to think of what to do for their next date. He seemed to be doing that a lot and every time he just came up with the same old thing: A nice dinner. He groaned in frustration precisely the moment Kripa walked up to his desk.

"I'm sorry to have upset you with my visit." Kripa teased.

Arnav's head snapped up to look at her. "Oh...I'm...I'm sorry...I didn't see you."

"Do you see anyone apart from Khushi these days?" Kripa raised an eyebrow.

Arnav bit his bottom lip to keep from grinning. "What's up?"

"How long till her meeting is done?" Kripa jerked her head towards the closed door of Khushi's cabin.

"Another 15 minutes." Arnav answered immediately.

"I just came to invite you two to join Angad and me for lunch. As far as I know of her schedule, it's pretty much free all afternoon. It's become really quiet here without the kids..." Kripa looked out the window to see an empty field which would be otherwise filled with a group of children running around and playing.

"I'll let her know." Arnav eyed her for a moment. "Anything up?"

Kripa raised both her eyebrows. "No. Should there be anything up?"

Arnav shrugged. "Just wondering why you've invited us for lunch..."

"we haven't really spent much time together since Angad's aunt had the attack...partly your fault...you always have her out with you!" Kripa accused teasingly.

Arnav smiled and looked at the desk. "And that's a bad thing?"

Kripa chuckled. "Of course not. How's it going with her, by the way?"

Arnav tilted his head to the side and looked at her. "As if you already don't know. I'm sure you've heard everything from her...you know...women love talking."

Kripa rolled her eyes. "Of course I know her side of things. I was asking about you. You're my friend too, you know. How are you feeling about all of this?"

"I think it's going well...I mean...she's agreeing to go out with me...on Amber and Aditya's request, she's let me stay the night at her place...she seems to be okay with this." He looked at the door with a small frown on his face.

Kripa's jaw dropped. She was appalled. "Okay?? Okay with this? Arnav...you have got to open your eyes and ears! From what I can see and from what she has told me...I think she's more than just okay with this. I know what you're doing. Angad did this too. Stop letting your guilt get in the way. It's one thing if it keeps you in check of your actions and completely another if it keeps you from expressing yourself."

Arnav looked at her with raised eyebrows as she pulled a chair from the waiting area to next to his and took a seat.

"Arnav...you need to talk to her openly. I know you've always been a man of a few words but in critical situations like these, you have to verbalize your feelings and your fears. Just like she does. Open communication is very important. Don't let guilt cloud that...may it be your body language or your verbal speech. See...Angad wouldn't hug me...let alone that...he wouldn't touch me in any physical way without asking every single time."

Arnav stilled. That fact was starkly familiar. Isn't that what he did?

"And don't get me wrong...the first few days; I was awed that he respected my space so much. When I felt comfortable, I started giving him hugs and he would still not initiate anything...at one point, it got very frustrating and I had to just ask him to stop doing that." Kripa explained further.

Arnav swallowed. Damn it. This was too familiar.

"And as if that wasn't bad...he followed suit with ever little step...holding hands, intimate hugs, kisses, you name it!" Kripa rolled her eyes dramatically.

Arnav's heart flipped at the mention of kisses. His mind automatically whipped through a number of images of Khushi kissing his cheek.

"And I understand why he did that...I understand that he was afraid of hurting me again or crossing some boundary...but you see...after a certain comfort level is reached, verbal permission is almost offensive." Kripa paused to gauge his reaction. He looked confused so she went on. "I'm not saying you just go ahead and do what you feel like but there's better ways of seeking permission. I saw it this morning. The way you hugged her. You were tensed until she hugged you back. If I sensed it being a spectator, trust me, she definitely noticed it."

Arnav wasn't sure where Kripa was going with this. He had hugged Khushi without asking for permission.

"You need to feel more comfortable and confident around her. How do you expect her to trust you if you can't trust yourself? A hint of confidence in men is attractive. Not over-confidence...that's a turn off. Shoe confidence in different ways...you know...if you know she's okay with you hugging her; hug her without being as stiff as a board. If you know she's okay with you holding her hand, reach out with confidence and take it. Khushi is very expressive...through her words and her body language. Trust me, she'll make it clear if you do something and it makes her uncomfortable."

"What exactly are you trying to say, Kripa?" Arnav cut in at last to stop her from beating around the bush more.

"I'm trying to say that she senses your nervousness and lack of confidence and even though she is alright with it now, later on, it will hold her back because she'll worry about making you uncomfortable. You've given her the liberty to choose the intimacy level she feels comfortable at...and that's good...but once you know where she has set the level...you have to make sure you're there too. You can't lag behind. It has to be equal give and take." Kripa paused again as she saw him considering everything she'd said.

Before either of them had the chance to say anything more, the door to Khushi's cabin opened and a happy looking couple stepped out. They bid Arnav goodbye after booking their next appointment and left. Khushi stepped out and was slightly surprised to see Kripa there.

"I came to invite you two for lunch...since all of us are pretty much free this afternoon; I thought we should catch up." Kripa suggested with a smile.

Khushi agreed and the three went to join Angad, who was waiting very impatiently.

That afternoon, Khushi fidgeted with her hands in the passenger seat of Arnav's SUV as he drove towards the school. Khushi was anxious to know how her twins' first day at school been. Would they step out smiling because they had had an amazing day or would they step out tearful because they missed their mom? Arnav's quietness wasn't helping either. He seemed to be lost in thoughts and Khushi didn't bother to snap him out of whatever inner monologue he was having.

Within minutes, they were parked and waiting for Amber and Aditya to step out along with Angad and Kripa who waited for Prateek and Sur. Khushi held her breath as the bell rang. A few minutes later, she saw, much to her relief, an ecstatic looking Aditya and a happy looking Amber step out of the crowd of Kids. Khushi walked up to them, beaming a smile herself, as if she'd seen her children after ages. She kneeled and both kids hugged her. As she stood up, they noticed their buddy standing against the car, with his arms crossed across his chest as he smiled at the scenario in front of him. The twins immediately ran to him and greeted him the same way they had greeted Khushi.

Most of their drive home consisted of the twins filling in Arnav and Khushi on their first day at school. They gushed about their teacher who seemed to be a sweet lady from the way the kids talked about her. Khushi had obviously met her and had liked her instantly but finding that the kids loved her too was a relief.

The kids busied themselves with some drawing the teacher had asked them to make while Khushi got started on the dinner. She was very aware of a set of eyes that followed her around the kitchen from the dining table.

Stupid Laad governor. He's been so damned quiet since lunch time. And what's with these weird looks? What's going through his mind? I thought he was supposed to be approving some designs for AR. He sure as hell wasn't going to approve anything if he didn't look at the screen. Just turn to look at him and he'll look away like he does every time. As if I'm going to kill him by looking at him. Sigh. I wish he would say what was on his mind for a change. His silence is so scary sometimes. It's so obvious something's going through his mind! Shut up Khushi and focus on the stupid pasta.

She continued cooking, trying to avoid the feel of the eyes on her.

Dinner, as usual, was a cheerful event. The kids were tired from their day at school and went to sleep early after dinner. Khushi and Arnav found themselves sitting on the bench by the rose bush instead of the couch. Arnav looked at a patch of lilies across from them as he continued to think about something.

"Are you okay?" Khushi asked, sounding concerned.

Arnav looked at her with a start. Crap. Has she been saying something to him?

"W-what?" Arnav stammered.

"I asked if you were okay...you've been quiet since lunch time."

"I was just thinking about us..." He replied, looking into the mug of coffee.

"Oh..." was Khushi's reply.

"Aren't you going to ask what I was thinking?" He said teasingly, wanting her to ask. He'd thought all day about Kripa's advice and had realized how correct she was. He'd made a resolution: he was going to follow her advice.

Khushi, in response to his question, smiled slightly. "Would you really tell me if I asked?"

"Maybe. But you'd have to try and ask." He looked at her with a glint in his eyes. He didn't miss the surprise that flickered across hers.

"What were you thinking...about us?" Khushi asked.

Arnav smiled sadly. "I was thinking how one decision can change the course of your life...my decision to not listen to you that day and go in for that meeting changed our lives...it changed everything...and my decision to come here to adopt a child changed our lives again...all it takes is one decision...I'd never really given much thought to how many lives could be connected to an individual's decision..."

A few seconds later, Khushi spoke up. "You're right...sometimes one decision is all it takes..."

He looked at her. He had the feeling that her answer wasn't referring to either of the decisions he'd referred to. He was sure, in the next instant, when he felt her free hand take hold of his, that she was talking about her decision to give their relationship a chance. The confidence she had in her decision only made him more confident about his resolution.

An hour later, when they stood at the doorway, bidding goodbye, Arnav took the first step for the sake of his new decision. He didn't stand as stiff as a board. He had easily wrapped his arms around her snugly and had immediately felt the difference in her response. He could feel her smile against his shoulder, her grip around him was tighter than usual. This felt different. It was more liberating, more welcoming. It felt as if nothing had gone wrong in their lives, it felt as if everything was absolutely normal. Life was all sunshine, rainbows, and flowers. The grey clouds which tended to hover around him had suddenly disappeared.

As they pulled apart, Khushi placed a lingering kiss on his left cheek, her arms still halfway around his torso. She looked at him with crimson cheeks and glittering eyes, a serene smile tugging at her lips.

"Goodnight Arnav." Her sweet breath fanned his face and then she took a step back.

His mind vaguely registered that his hands were still resting on her waist. "Good night Khushi."

But neither moved another inch for what seemed like a long minute. Then Arnav had reluctantly let go of a smiling Khushi and had walked to his car. He'd turned to look at her once before he got into the car and had found her smiling widely at him. With a quick exchange of waves, he had driven away, leaving a gushing Khushi behind.

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Chapter 30: One Step Ahead

He cried like he had the day she left five years ago. When he had confessed that he loved her. When he had begged her to stay. When she had asked him to let her go. When she had asked him not to look for her. When she asked him to free her of the pain that living with him brought.

And like a slap in the face, Khushi's mind gave up the fight, and she realized exactly what the nightmares were about.

She patted his shoulders and rubbed his back soothingly, waiting for him to stop crying. She felt a couple of tears escaping her own eyes. She raked her brain frantically, trying to find something to say, something she could do to make it better. Nothing. Nothing came to her so she just sat there until his sobs subsided a little bit. For the first time in life, seeing Arnav in this state, Khushi was rendered speechless.

Eventually, his sobs eased out. His breathing was ragged, very similar to a child who had been crying for a long time. He pulled apart, finally realizing what he had done. He averted his gaze and absolutely refused to look at Khushi. He decided to look at her knee instead. Her hand, on its own accord, moved up and wiped his cheeks and then cupped his face.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, bracing himself for the questions he knew would come his way. But before he said anything, a scared voice spoke from the doorway, startling both Arnav and Khushi.

"Mamma?" Aditya asked questioningly, looking worried, with a quiet and concerned looking Amber standing next to him. Khushi forced a smile at her kids and they walked in. Aditya looked at Arnav's bloodshot eyes; his tear stained face, and turned back to Khushi worriedly.

"Why is buddy crying?" Aditya whispered sounding sad.

Khushi swallowed a painful lump in her throat. "H-he had a n-nightmare." She said in a quiet voice, observing Arnav for his reaction. She saw him wince quietly and that confirmed her doubts. He didn't want her to know about these nightmares...ever.


Amber looked between Khushi and Arnav, unsure of what to say while Aditya ran out of the room. Arnav's eyes followed him just so that he wouldn't have to look at Khushi. Once he was out of sight, his eyes went back to rest on her knee.

Amber looked absolutely bewildered. She had never seen a grown up man crying this way and she didn't like seeing her buddy crying like that. Aditya returned, his footsteps clapping on the floor. He climbed onto the bed and put a stuffed dinosaur in Arnav's lap.

"His name is Rocco. When I have nightmares, I hug him and it makes everything better." Aditya said cutely.

Aditya looked at Arnav expectantly but Arnav just looked at the small patterns in the bed sheet. He could feel Khushi's eyes on him and he just wished that she would ask the questions already.

"Hmm...I think I know what will make your buddy feel better..." Khushi gestured her kids to come closer and whispered something in their ear.

Amber and Aditya nodded at each other and the next moment, Arnav found himself in a group hug with Amber and Aditya. It was a simple gesture but it seemed to take away the horrible feeling within seconds. Some unknown wave of peace engulfed him and the morning didn't seem so bad suddenly. Khushi smiled at the three of them and stood up to leave. He still wouldn't look at her. Khushi ran her fingers through his hair for a couple of seconds before leaving the room.

Khushi headed to the kitchen and got started on the breakfast to keep herself busy. To keep herself from going back into that guestroom.


He had nightmares. It had something to do with her leaving. Even in his dreams, he was asking her to stay, to come back. His pained voiced, agonized expressions, the plea in every word he spoke. The way he had screamed her name as he woke up. The way he had shattered in front of her. The man who was always in control of his emotions and what his face expressed had fallen apart.


For long minutes, she thought about this over and over again.

Maybe this is why he keeps holding back. Maybe these dreams remind him of what he's done and why you left. Regular reminders are bound to keep his guilt from ceasing and that's why he keeps saying he doesn't deserve this chance. That's why he is scared to initiate anything. That's why he seeks permission for everything. Because he's afraid. Afraid that you'll be upset if he made an advance, maybe? Scared that you may leave again? Scared that he'll hurt you again without meaning to do so? Scared to lose you one more time?

Her inner monologue came to an abrupt end as she heard footsteps approaching the kitchen.

The aroma of pancakes and French toast had filled the air as the three ASRs made their way into the kitchen. Arnav was in much better spirits. Amber and Aditya's company had definitely improved his mood and had pushed away the awkwardness from this morning away. His mood only got better when Khushi smiled wide at the three of them and settled down to have breakfast.

Breakfast was a light hearted event with happy chatter and giggles. Arnav kept stealing glances at Khushi, expecting her to question him any moment now. She was acting oddly normal. He had expected her to become upset. As much as he knew her, she would feel guilty for him having nightmares even if it wasn't her fault. He didn't want to tell her not only because of that but also because he didn't want her to do anything out of pity. He wanted her to give their relationship another chance because she wanted to not because she felt sorry for him. But here she sat, acting like nothing had happened this morning.

"Oh...after breakfast get your aprons..." She spoke to the kids.

"Why mamma?" Amber questioned with raised eyebrows.

Arnav felt that this was another one of their routine things so he didn't pay too much attention and started sipping his coffee.

"What do you mean why? I thought you wanted me to teach your buddy how to make jalebis." Khushi replied seriously.

Arnav choked on his coffee and spluttered, making Amby and Adi laugh. He looked at her with wide eyes. Him making Jalebis? Today?? What the?!

But despite his protests, fifteen minutes later, he found himself donning an apron and holding a spatula. Khushi set out a bowl and its ingredients. Amber and Aditya acted as Arnav's helpers while Khushi walked him through her recipe of a chocolate fudge cake. Once the batter was poured into baking pan, they got started on the jalebi batter. Once the batter was ready to go, Khushi walked him through the syrup recipe and approved it after tasting it.

"Alright...time to step out Amby and Adi." Khushi announced as he put a frying pan full of oil onto the stove. For safety measures, she always kept the little ones out of the kitchen when she was frying anything.

Arnav picked up the bundle of cloth which contained the batter and took a deep breath. Khushi looked at him contemplating his next move and laughed.

"It's really not that difficult. Just make swirls in the oil..." Khushi gestured the action to him, suggesting him to follow.

Arnav made a swirl of jalebi batter in the oil and it fell apart into a squiggly line almost immediately. Fifteen minutes later, Khushi shook her head at him and took a step closer. She covered his hand with hers and showed him how to make jalebis properly.

Did she really think he could pay attention to a single word she was saying with her standing so close to him and with his hand in hers? Arnav slapped himself mentally and tried to keep his mind focused on the task at hand but his mind decided it didn't want to listen to Arnav today. First it strayed thinking about the way her hand was gripping his. Then it drifted to her and how close she was standing to him. Then it drifted to the floral yet fruity scent that was Khushi's trademark. Then it drifted to those lucky tendrils that had escaped her messy bun and caressed her cheeks.

"No! You're leaving too much gap...see when you make the swirls...make sure the circles are closer together." She moved a bit closer, her right shoulder effectively tucked into him and he moved behind slightly to give her more room as she demonstrated once more. She glanced at him to make sure he got it and that was when Arnav Singh Raizada was busted. She'd caught him staring at her. He had been too slow to look away and now she knew that he was paying more attention to her than the jalebis.

"Pay attention." She tried to sound stern but failed as she felt blood rushing to her cheeks. She turned away in an attempt to hide her face lest he see her blushing. Arnav shook himself mentally and tried, miserably, to get back to this horrendous lesson that was making jalebis.

Arnav somewhat got the hang of how to make the shape but by the time he managed to pull out the fried jalebis from the oil, they were burnt or wouldn't stay in their usual spiral shape. Arnav groaned in frustration.

"You make it look so easy!" He complained as Khushi demonstrated for him once again.

"You're thinking about it too much. Just drop some of the batter in tight circles, take out the first one you made, put it in the syrup, make the next swirl and repeat." She sounded like an annoyed teacher as she handed the pouch back to him.

Another few minutes and countless attempts later, Arnav finally managed to fry one perfect jalebi. An hour and a half since they'd started making jalebis and he'd managed to make one perfect jalebi. Better than nothing. Khushi cheered and patted his shoulder. Amazed at his success, Arnav fried jalebi after jalebi until they ran out of the batter. Now he finally understood why Khushi made jalebis when she was upset. Something about the act was oddly calming--once you got the hang of it.

He watched her pull out a piping hot jalebi from the syrup and take a big bite out of it. She closed her eyes and smiled as she relished the flavour.

Arnav smiled at her and went back to taking out the last batch of jalebis from the syrup. Khushi smiled to herself as she looked at him. She just wanted to take his mind off of the nightmare and this jalebi making task had done that for her. Jalebis to the rescue again! She was glad that he had pushed away the nightmare out of his mind. Or so she thought.

"So you did this to distract me or to cheer me up?" He questioned her without looking at her.

"Both." She replied simply.

"Why aren't you questioning me?" He turned to her, suddenly very serious.

Khushi's eyes widened and her mouth formed into the perfect o'. She recovered within a couple of seconds.

"Questioning you about what?" She managed to ask.

Arnav sighed and leaned against the counter. "About this morning. I know you have questions...I'm just wondering why you haven't asked any of them."

Khushi smiled sadly. "Have I ever forced you to share something you didn't want to? It was so clear from the way you reacted last night that you don't want me to know what these dreams are about so I'm not going to put you in a difficult situation by asking you the questions on my mind. You can tell me when you want to...if you want to."

Arnav looked at her dumbfounded. He was sure she would question him as soon as she found an opportunity.

"How come you were there this morning...when I woke up from the...dream?" Arnav followed her terminology and refrained from using the term nightmare'.

Khushi averted her gaze. "Look...I'm sorry I came into your room without your permission. I can't tell you why...I don't know myself. I was just so curious and...and worried ever since I found out about the medication and the dreams...I just wanted to make sure that you were sleeping properly and I was going to leave once I made sure...but then you turned over and I heard you mumbling..."

Arnav stiffened and his breath hitched. What did she hear? No. He didn't speak out loud during the nightmares, did he? He knew he woke up screaming for Khushi but apart from that, he didn't say anything, did he?! Khushi saw the change in his stance and expression. She reached out, took his hand, and clasped it in both of hers.

"I don't know why you didn't want me to know about this but I have the general idea, Arnav. And I..."

"I didn't want you to pity me." Arnav blurted, cutting her off.


She just looked at him, slightly surprised that she had gotten anything out of him.


"I've been seeing pity in the eyes of the family...Akash, Payal, Mama, Mami...everyone...sometimes even Aman looks at me pitifully and I can't stand it! I can't stand it when they feel sorry for me because I deserve all of this! It's a part of my punishment and I've accepted it. I didn't want you to find out because knowing you and that pure heart you possess, you would have pitied my state and then talked yourself into giving me another chance...I didn't want a pity chance...I wanted to earn this opportunity."

Khushi felt one of the many emotions rise again for the man standing in front of her. This time, it was respect. He was right. If she had known about his nightmares and the agony which he put up with because of them, her heart would have melted and she would have convinced herself to give him a chance out of pity. But he hadn't used that to his advantage. He had tried to keep this piece of information from her because he didn't want to influence her decision in any manner. The new found respect for him added a little more strength to her decision.

She couldn't and she wouldn't explain what she did next. Not to him, not to herself, not to anyone else. S


till holding onto his hand, she went on her toes and kissed his cheek, her lips lingering on his skin just a tad longer than she had intended. She saw surprise written all over his face when she pulled back. If only she had a hint of the storm brewing inside him. To say he was shocked at her gesture would be an understatement. His cheek felt like it was on fire, his lungs would give up their normal rhythms much like his heart had. Unable to move a single muscle, he just looked at her with wide eyes.

"You did earn it, Arnav." She saw happiness flicker in his eyes and she knew she had told him exactly what he was yearning to hear. "And like I've said before...it's not going to be easy for either one of us...and I know you said you're not going to give up when we face challenges...but if you ever do feel like giving up, I want you to think back on today. Making jalebis is a lot like living life, sometimes."

No matter how much you try, sometimes things just fall apart and there is nothing you can do to prevent that." Khushi nodded towards the plate of jalebis that were broken in pieces and not in the perfect shape.

"Sometimes things get ruined and there's nothing you can do to change that..." Her gaze lingered over to the plate of burnt and scorched jalebis.

"But persistence, dedication, and honest efforts with a little bit of guidance will get you where you want to be." She looked at the platter of perfect jalebis and then turned to smile at him.

They stared at each other for a few seconds and then a small smile tugged at his lips once his mind processed her analogy.


Whatever had happened in the past, she couldn't have done anything to prevent it. Now that it had happened, there was nothing he could do to change it. but with persistence, dedication, honest efforts, and a little bit or...hell, a lot of guidance from her will get them where they needed to be. Where they both wanted to be.


He took a step forward and his arm rose up familiarly but then he stopped and pulled back. Khushi shook her head at him and smiled. Though she respected the fact that he sought permission before touching her in any way, it was about time he stopped asking for this particular gesture.

She knew he had given her the liberty to draw the lines and he had made it clear that he'll abide by them. She also knew that he had left it up to her to erase those lines when she wanted, when she was ready. She was leading and he was following...for now. And at this moment, she knew she was ready to finally erase this particular line.

"Arnav...after all the hugs I've given you in the last month, I think it's okay if you give meone...for a change." She teased, taking him by surprise.

Before Arnav could go ahead and give her a hug though, Aditya poked his head into the kitchen and sniffed audibly.

"Are they done mamma?"

Khushi let go of Arnav's hand and took a step back. Arnav smiled widely at him, picked up the plate of jalebis, walked up to Aditya who met him halfway through the kitchen and knelt in front of him. Much like Khushi had done earlier; Aditya picked up a jalebi and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.

"These are so good!" Aditya picked up another one and gobbled it up. Khushi chuckled looking at him.

"Definitely took after you in this matter." Arnav looked over his shoulder at Khushi.

Khushi chuckled and shrugged. Amber walked in and made a face at the jalebis.

"Mamma, where's the cake?" She looked at the jalebis and then at Aditya, scrunching up her nose. Arnav laughed and shook his head at the contrast between the two.

"Oh! Do you need another healing kiss today, buddy?" Amber asked as her eyes fell on the band aid on his finger.

Arnav's mind instantly rewinded back a few minutes and he recalled why his cheek was still tingly.

He smirked. "I already got one today."

Amber hugged nonchalantly while Arnav's heart was eager to see Khushi's reaction. He could almost best his life that she was blushing. He was right, but he didn't look at her to see.

Khushi had just gotten started on lunch when the doorbell rang. Leaving the father and the twins in the kitchen, Khushi went to get the door.

"Khushi!!" Anjali cheerfully threw her arms around Khushi's shoulders as soon as the door opened.

Khushi hugged her back and raised her eyebrows at Aman who stood behind her, carrying Ishan. His eyes nervously flitted across the room behind Khushi.

"He's in the kitchen...and don't worry...He won't yell at you." Khushi smirked at Aman and she let them in. How the three of them had showed up together would be a point of discussion with aman and anjali later. For now, khushi just smiled knowingly at them, making them squirm a little.

The kitchen was full of chatter and clatter for the next couple of hours as Khushi and Anjali cooked up a lunch. Their conversations carried out smoothly over lunch. Aman was shocked when he found out that the jalebis he'd loved so much were made by his Boss. Anjali complimented Arnav on his culinary skills too.

Their afternoon consisted of the usual conversations and light laughter. Arnav admired Khushi's expertise with babies as she sat with Ishan for a good chunk of the time.


Anjali wasn't oblivious to the progress between the husband and the wife. Her eyes always caught the small gestures; Khushi placing her hand on his arm casually, the soft glances they stole at each other, Arnav's eyes being glued to Khushi's face as she played with Ishan. And Anjali could swear upon anything that at one point, she had seen Khushi take hold of Arnav's hand for a few seconds.

Anjali, however, was oblivious to similar glances she was getting from Aman. Lately they'd been spending some time together. When Aman babysat Amber and Aditya for Arnav and Khushi's dates, sometimes Anjali joined him with Ishan. Sometimes he visited Angad and Kripa's house during the day when they were at work, on the pretense of discussing Arnav and Khushi. And now as they sat there, Aman tried to muster the courage to ask her out but he knew he'd have to be careful. He knew next to nothing about her past. She was a single mother and he wasn't sure how she'd react to his advancement.

Arnav and Aman were left with the kids as Khushi and Anjali got started on dinner in the afternoon. The day was flying by and Khushi found herself getting restless. Would he stay tonight too, or would he leave? Did she want him to stay? She didn't know. She would be seeing him at work the next day anyway. She was too busy with her inner debate to listen to what Anjali was going on about. But Khushi's attention suddenly focused on the new entry into the kitchen. Arnav.

"Ishan's being difficult...Aman's freaking out." He announced.

Anjali walked out of the kitchen and Arnav took her position.

"Do you need help here?" He asked casually.

"No...We were almost done." Khushi focused on the carrots on the cutting board, lest her face give away what she was thinking about.

"Hmm...I guess I should pack up my stuff before dinner..." He stated, leaning on the counter next to her.

Khushi stopped dicing the carrots and looked at him, unsure of what her face illustrated.

"I overheard Adi and Amby making plans about making me stay another day so you can almost bet that they'll come ask you." Arnav held her gaze for a few seconds. "I want you to say no."

The knife slipped from Khushi's hand and she ended up cutting herself. She hissed in pain and instinctively, Arnav grabbed her hand and put her index finger in his mouth. A thousand butterflies were unleashed in Khushi's stomach at the contact.

"Careful, Khushi!" He hissed and he pressed her fingertip between his lips again. A few seconds later, he looked at it to look for the cut.

"Are you okay...does it hurt?" He looked at the finger closely. "I don't see the cut."

Khushi bit her lower lip and a small smile appeared on her face. She cleared her throat and held up her other hand to show the finger that was actually injured. She saw him looking back and forth between the hand he was holding and the hand she was holding up. Khushi and Arnav both broke into chuckles at his act. Suddenly, Arnav felt embarrassed at what he'd done. He hadn't asked for her permission. He let go of her hand and watched her pick up a tissue paper and press it over the tiny cut.

"I'm okay...this will be healed by tomorrow." She informed him when he looked at her warily, his hand itching to reach out and take her hand in his to make sure.

But he wouldnt let himself slip again. So, he nodded and left the kitchen awkwardly as he saw laughter lingering in her eyes.


Enough embarrassment for one day, Arnav. First the nightmare, then the jalebi fiasco, then the failed attempt at giving her a hug and now this.


He kicked himself mentally as he walked into the guestroom.

Dinner was over much too soon to Arnav's dismay. Their after dinner coffee was over even faster. The moment to leave was coming closer at light speed. At last, Anjali and Aman stood to take leave.

"I'll drop her at Kripa's. I'll see you at home ASR." He nodded to Arnav and after a short exchange of hugs, they were gone. Leaving Arnav and Khushi standing in the doorway.

"I guess I should head home too. I wouldn't want to be late to work and anger my boss..." Arnav said light heartedly.

"Why did you make me say no to the kids?" Khushi asked, coming straight to the point.


"I dont want a repeat of what happened this morning..." Arnav looked away.


"Arnav...I told you I--" She started but he cut her off, for the second time that day.

"And because It's hard enough leaving right now...it would be just harder if I stay more." Arnav shrugged.

Khushi, as usual, understood him. He knew he couldn't stay here forever. They were still working things out. And she had the feeling that it had more to do with the nightmares fiasco than the latter reason. Maybe he didn't want her to find out more than she already had. She nodded at him, knowing that no words were needed to let him know that she understood him.

Recalling her words in the kitchen earlier, he gathered every ounce of courage he had. He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her lightly. The nervousness faded as he felt her arms go around him, too. She smiled to herself. This, then, was clear. He could give her a hug without upsetting her. That was progress, one line erased.

Khushi, however, had been surprising him all weekend and she wasn't about to stop now. So, as they were pulling apart, much like she had in the kitchen earlier in the day, she turned her head at the right time and placed a light kiss on his cheek.

He'd made progress, sure...but Khushi, once again, was one step ahead of him.

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Chapter 29: Possessive to Vulnerable

After an hour of driving, Arnav finally stopped in front of her house. It was a different story that he had already driven past her house...twice! Khushi made no comment on that detail. She knew driving helped him calm down. Yet, he sat there, still angry, as he glared through the windshield at nothing in particular.

Khushi squeezed his hand lightly. "You'll melt a gaping hole in that windshield if you glare at it like that." She smiled light heartedly.

"It's not funny." Arnav said, still looking straight ahead.

"Never said it was." Khushi replied seriously. "I didn't stop you from breaking one's jaw and the other's nose, did I?"

Arnav scoffed. "You were about to do the honours yourself. Admit it."

"I won't deny it...if you hadn't, I would have definitely hit them...All I'm saying is that it's done and over with now. Let it go." Khushi said in a quiet voice.

Arnav scowled. Khushi sighed, and let go of his hand. He opened the door of the car and stepped out. He'd just slammed his door shut when he heard her shut her door too. Smiling to herself, she slowly walked towards the house, waiting for him to fall in step with her. She heard his footsteps move rapidly and she turned around to face him.

"Khushi let me just go back and..." He swallowed the rest of his sentence because she had cupped his face in her hands.

"Shh...Breathe, Arnav." She whispered huskily. "It's not like they're waiting for you to return so you can beat them to death."

She was looking right in his face, a small smile playing hide and seek on her lips. Her hands moved around his neck and she went on her tip toes in order to hug him properly, her chin resting on his shoulder. She felt the possessive grip of his arms wrap around her waist and his breath brushing on her shoulder.

"Arnav...you can't hold on to every single emotion for ever...you need to learn to let go...especially this anger of yours. Just breathe, okay?" Khushi whispered to him as they stood there embracing each other, one looking to provide calm while the other holding on with the possessiveness of one about to lose the most precious thing from his life.

"I know you feel very protective of me and I can't ask you to change that...but I want to ask you to control this anger of yours. Although sometimes necessary...no man can think straight with anger overpowering them..." she gently rubbed his back between the shoulder blades-something she knew calmed him down.

"I'll keep that in mind." He pulled out from the hug reluctantly and nodded at her.

They both walked to her door in silence and stopped as the moment he disliked the most stared at him in his face: The moment to say goodbye.

Khushi put the key in the keyhole and opened the door.

"Come in." It was more of an order than a request and it had taken Arnav by surprise. He followed her in regardless.

Amber and Aditya ran up to them and warmly welcomed them back home. Aman, who was babysitting the kids, also waved lazily at them from the couch. Arnav nodded his greeting to him and smiled at the kids. Khushi stalked off into the kitchen and a couple minutes later, she called out for Arnav. Aman looked at his boss with raised eyebrows while Arnav just walked into the kitchen like a student in trouble with his teacher. Khushi had her back to him and she rummaged through a container.

"Take a seat" She vaguely pointed to the dining table.

Arnav had just taken a seat when Khushi sat next to him, putting down a bottle of Dettol, a cotton puff, and a band aid. Arnav made a face at the rusty brown liquid as he watched Khushi mix it with some water. After dipping a cotton puff in the diluted antiseptic, Khushi reached for his hand and examined the cut. His wedding band had cut into his skin, leaving a small drip of blood down the back of his hand. Arnav was surprised that he hadn't even noticed it. It must have happened when he had punched the rascals. The reminder sent his anger up in a flare but the fact that Khushi was holding his hand kept his mind cool.

Khushi tugged on the wedding band to remove it carefully when he clenched his hand into a fist. Khushi raised her eyebrows at him.

"Stop being filmy. You can wear it on your left hand." She frowned at him.

"I'm being filmy? Says the woman who is still wearing her wedding band and engagement ring." Arnav looked right into her eyes, making her stomach clench. "Please don't remove it." He requested earnestly, unaware of the fact that he'd set a hundred butterflies lose in her stomach.

Khushi averted her gaze and focused on his wedding band again. "Please...at least just let me put a band aid on it..."

He didn't protest this time when she pulled the ring loose. She kept his wish in mind and didn't remove the band completely, so now it rested halfway on his ring finger. He looked at her as she picked up the Dettol soaked cotton and pressed it against the cut. She winced at the moment it was supposed to sting but Arnav didn't even notice it. She removed the cotton and blew softly to dry the area before applying ointment. The brush of her breath against his hand had more of an effect on him than the stinging antiseptic. She could feel his gaze on her face but she didn't look at him as she applied some ointment.

She put the band-aid on and then finally turned to look at him. There was so much love and affection in his gaze that it made her stomach clench and unclench nervously.

"It's done." She nodded towards his finger and he blinked, breaking out of his stare session.

Khushi slid the wedding band back in it place, with a little difficulty since the band-aid made it tighter. He smiled to himself as he realized that she'd just put on his wedding band on his ring finger. It seemed that Khushi had realized too, because when he glanced at her, her expression was amused, her lips forming a small o'. And then the red on her cheeks blossomed, leaving Arnav with a warm and fuzzy feeling.

Being the husband, he didn't have any other symbols of his marriage like she did. She had the mangalsutra, although it was a different story that she no longer wore it. She no longer had a thin streak of red vermillion gracing the parting in her hair. She did have the wedding band and engagement ring. They always remained on her ring finger much like his wedding band always remained on his. She had put the wedding band on him, how could he possibly remove it? It was the only thing that he owned, apart from memories, which symbolized their marriage.

"Thank you." He said. His voice was suddenly hoarse.

They looked at each other for a few seconds and then Amber broke the session. She gasped cutely as she kneeled on the chair next to Arnav's, observing the items on the table and then Arnav's bandaged finger.

"How did you get hurt?"

"I fought with bad guys." Arnav grinned, making Khushi roll her eyes.

"Mamma put the band aid on?" Amber pointed at his ring finger.

"Yes. I didn't know I was hurt."

Amber looked at Khushi. "Did you give him your healing kiss, mamma?"

Arnav couldn't help but smirk. He remembered the last time this happened. Khushi, indeed, had given him a healing kiss when she thought he was sleeping. But he wasn't about to admit that now. Khushi looked between the father and daughter and shook her head.

"How come you don't give him a healing kiss? Adi and I get one. Even last time you didn't!" Amber sighed dramatically. "I guess I'll have to give it to him again."

More than glad, Arnav held up his hand and Amber gently kissed his ring finger. Aditya ran in, touched Arnav's arm and yelled "tag, you're it!"

And with that both Amber and Aditya had run out, squealing and giggling. Arnav glanced at Khushi once, and he smirked when he found the familiar hue of red on her cheeks. Then he set off after his kinds, joining them in a game of tag.

Khushi sat there for a few minutes, thinking back on the night. Their encounter with the street teasers, Arnav's anger, their hug outside her house, their moments in the kitchen, her involuntary reactions to his comments and touches. She started cleaning the table and the kitchen, with the thoughts still lingering in her mind.

She was just finishing up when Amber and Aditya ran in followed by Arnav. Arnav paused in the doorway, looking horrified while Khushi knelt in front of her kids.

"Mamma...can buddy please sleepover?" The twins chimed simultaneously, as if they'd practiced this bit.

Khushi smiled at them. "If buddy wants to sleepover, he can."

To say Arnav was surprised would be an understatement. As the kids cheered and ran out of the kitchen, Khushi found Arnav looking at her with his jaw dropped slightly.

Please don't ask me why. Please don't ask me why. Please don't ask me why.

Khushi's mind chanted the sentence over and over but to her relief, he didn't ask her anything. Apparently, he was too shocked to speak. She decided to break the weird silence.

"The guest room is free now that Anjali's gone to Kripa's." Khushi turned to put away a couple of bowls. "It's up to you...you can sleep there or in Amber and Aditya's room."

Khushi turned to face him again only to find that he hadn't even moved an inch! She raised her eyebrows at him questioningly.

"Unless of course...you don't want to stay..."

"NO!" Was the immediate reply. "I mean...I...no. Umm...I...You...Are you sure?"

Khushi crossed her arms and tilted her head slightly. "Are you trying to make me change my mind?"

"N-No...?" Arnav made it sound more like a question to which Khushi just laughed lightly.

In a few minutes, Arnav found himself in the washroom with Amber and Aditya, brushing his teeth. He had stared at the toothbrush in the holder that he'd left the last time he was here. And just like last time, Arnav was amused by the feeling of normalcy. Teeth brushing was followed by quick showers for Amber and Aditya. Soon after that, the kids had retired to bed, dragging Arnav along for their bedtime story. Khushi decided to leave the three alone and sat in the living room with a book herself.

An hour later, she went to check why Arnav hadn't returned yet and she almost laughed seeing him asleep on the bed, between Amber and Aditya, the copy of little red riding hood' resting on his chest. As per her usual routine, she walked to Amber's side of the bed, turned off the purple night lamp and kissed her forehead, running her hand through her daughter's soft hair. She then walked to Aditya's side and repeated the same. She couldn't help but smile as she looked at Arnav. Shaking her head at his child-like expression, she slowly slipped the book out of his hands. As if it had a mind of its own, her free hand reached towards his head and her fingertips gently caressed his forehead as she tried to sweep his hair off.

The sudden fire-like feeling at his hair line woke him up and he opened his eyes in time to see Khushi turning away from the bed and walking towards the door. He smiled as he watched her go. He heard the doorbell just as Khushi shut the door behind her. Knowing it would be Aman, he started getting out of bed.

Outside, Khushi opened the door and found Aman beaming at her. She let him in and closed the door behind her.

"Where do I keep ASR's stuff?" Aman asked.

"In that room." Khushi pointed and led him towards the room. Khushi went to the cupboard to take out the blanket while Aman started setting out Arnav's sleep wear. Khushi saw Aman place a small bottle under Arnav's shirt. The rattling sound caused by the movement made it sound like a bottle of pills.

Choosing against her better judgement, she took it out from under the shirt and looked at it curiously.

"Aman...why do you have Ativan for him?" Khushi inquired.

(Ativan is an anti-anxiety medication...letting you know so it makes sense.) As far as Khushi knew, Arnav had no conditions that needed medications. Once in a while, he took painkillers for headaches and migraines but why he needed anti-anxiety pills was beyond her.

"It helps him with the nightmares." Aman said, absent mindedly, rummaging in the bag for something. He froze when he realized what he'd blurted. He looked at her with an expression of a deer caught in headlights.

"What nightmares?" Khushi's eyes scrutinized his reaction. The news had increased Khushi's curiosity and worry. Arnav had nightmares? What the! Since when?

"Answer my question Aman." Khushi stated with all the authority of Mrs. Khushi Singh Raizada.

"Uhh...you see...Well..." Aman started but was rudely interrupted.

"Aman." That was all Arnav said, standing in the doorway of the guest room. That one word and the tone in which it was said coupled with the expression on Arnav's face made it clear that Aman was not to say a single word more on the topic. In fact, Khushi had the impression that Aman had already said too much. Arnav did not look happy. At all.

Arnav walked in, gently took the bottle out of Khushi's hand and tossed it back into the bag, glaring at Aman. Aman looked at his toes.

"I have all your things here...I...I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Aman left quickly, fidgeting slightly under Arnav's unnerving glare.

Khushi knew she could ask him about it directly. With the equation they had right now, a little emotional blackmail would be more than enough to make him talk. But she knew better. She wasn't about to take advantage of his vulnerable state. She could sense that he was worried that she would question him. It was written all over his stance and averted gaze. This was always how things had been between them. When it came to some questions Khushi wanted to ask that would require him to open up his locked up heart and speak of feelings and emotions, she never asked. Instead, she waited until he was ready to come to her and speak. She never really forced him into speaking his heart out and she wasn't about to start now.

"Um...I've set out the blanket...I'll just make some coffee." Khushi smiled at him even though he wasn't looking at her.

She started walking away but stopped when he spoke. "Actually...I think I'll just sleep..."

Khushi wanted to sigh and roll her eyes but didn't. She just looked at him and nodded when she noticed his pleading expression. She gingerly placed her hand on his upper arm in an encouraging gesture. He gave her a forced smile that didn't reach his eyes and Khushi knew then, that Arnav had hidden behind the mask of ASR once again.

That night, two people slept deeply in that house while the other two tossed and turned most of the night. Amber and Aditya slept absolutely oblivious to their parents' restless state. Khushi couldn't put her curiosity to rest and her mind came up with various methods by which she could get either Arnav or Aman to fess up about these nightmares.

Arnav couldn't sleep because of the nightmares themselves. They haunted him tonight, more vivid than ever. Maybe it was their slowly increasing emotional bonding, maybe it was the ever so slowly increasing physical intimacy, maybe it was the fact that those two scoundrels had looked at her with such lustful eyes, maybe it was the fact that she was sleeping in the room across from his...whatever it was, the nightmares tonight were more vivid, more painful, and more torturous.

-----

Khushi chewed on her bottom lip and twisted her fingers together, standing in front of the guest room's door. She'd been standing there for the past fifteen minutes, deciding whether or not it would be right to go in. It was eight in the morning. What if he was awake? What excuse would she make? Why was she here anyway?

Because you want to know what nightmares are bothering him to the extent where he needs anti-anxiety prescription drugs!

With a deep breath to clam her tingly nerves, she turned the door knob, opened the door and stepped in. He was lying flat on his back, the blanket haphazardly half covering him. His face was turned away from her hence she missed the pained expression on his face. Glad that he seemed to be sleeping peacefully, she turned to leave when she heard him mumbling something incoherently.

Her brows knit together in curiosity and she too cautious steps towards him. She froze for a second when his head turned towards her but she relaxed when she saw that he was still sleeping. His expression took her by surprise. He looked like he was in physical agony. His mumbles became easier to hear.

"N...No...Don't. S...S...Stay...don't...go...c-come back..."

She gingerly took a seat on the little gap beside his shoulders and that was when she noticed the tears on his face. Perplexed by the situation, she just started at him, confused out of her mind. He seemed to be muttering the same few words over and over: No. Don't. Don't go. Come back. Please. Sorry. Stay.

Khushi sat there, her breathing quicker, her heartbeat more erratic, as she saw fresh tears roll onto his cheeks as he tossed and turned restlessly. And then, as she was still trying to string together his mumbles, he said a very distinct word that he hadn't uttered since she'd walked in. Her name.

Her eyes widened with the realization that whatever this night mare was, somehow it was connected to her. She knew what this was about. She knew it was obvious and staring her in the face, mocking her inability to recognize it...yet, she couldn't place a finger on it for the life of her. It was almost as if her mind was refused to acknowledge the connection.

And then, unexpectedly, Arnav sat up with a jerk, yelling out an agonized "Khushi!"

He sat in the middle of the bed, while she sat closer to the headboard. She saw him cover his face with his hands and tilt his head back. His breathing resembled that of an athlete after a marathon. She could hear his attempts at gaining control over his lungs again. Apparently, he hadn't realized that she was sitting right behind him.

She placed a shivering hand on his shoulder, making him jump and turn around. Before she had time to process anything else, she'd found herself gathered in his arms, his face pressed into the groove of her shoulders.

And then the sobs started. Maybe he realized that he was now awake and no longer dreaming or maybe he thought it was still a nightmare but whatever it was, he hugged her and cried.

He cried like he had the day she left five years ago. When he had confessed that he loved her. When he had begged her to stay. When she had asked him not to look for her. When she asked him to free her of the pain that living with him brought.

And like a slap in the face, Khushi's mind gave up the fight, and she realized exactly what the nightmares were about.

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Chapter 28: A Routine

The room had cleared soon after the video had ended. Anjali was gone to put Ishan in his crib and Aman had followed her. Angad was sitting with the kids in the dining room. Arnav was sitting on the couch, in his own thoughts when Kripa took a seat next to him.

"You certainly look happy." She noted the obvious.

Arnav turned to her with a smile on his face. "She thought of me...all that time ago...she thought of me when Amber and Adi were born!"

Kripa giggled. "Of course she did. They are your kids as much as hers. She doesn't neglect the fact that you're related to them. I thought you figured out that much from their names alone!"

"What?" Arnav looked at her, confused.

"Don't tell me...you seriously didn't realize? Both their initials are the same as yours. ASR. She made sure she found names that started with A and connected to yours in an odd way." Kripa looked appalled at the thought that this hadn't crossed his mind.

"Their names are connected to mine?" He questioned out loud.

"Arnav...really? Come on. I thought you were smarter than that. What does your name mean?"

"Arnav means the Sea..." Arnav stared, willing the gears in his mind to turn the same way as Kripa's.

"Amber means the Sky, and Aditya means the Sun. You three together, are her Sky, her Sun, and her Sea. They're the three things that surround her world. Three that seem to meet at the horizon everyday but never really do. At sunset, although seemingly one, great distances separate the sea from the sun and the sky. Represents you three quite clearly, doesn't it? You're their father, they're both a part of you but despite that...you were separated by distances..."

Arnav was quiet for a while as he considered this. What Kripa was saying made sense.

"And she told you this?" Arnav asked.

Kripa scoffed. "Of course not. This is what Angad and I philosophically came up with...owing to Khushi's obsessions with Sunsets and then finding out that her husband's name means the sea...the framed poem in her room which is pretty much about the sun, the sky, and the sea...it was like we found the missing piece in the puzzle. Angad's big on philosophies. Of course we could be completely off the mark here, but this is what we think anyway."

"I don't understand philosophies so I'm not surprised that this didn't cross my mind." Arnav chuckled.

"Kripa??" Angad walked in. "You may want to speak to your son...he's having jitters about school again."

Kripa sighed, stood up and left. Angad took her spot and nodded at Arnav.

"School time?" Arnav questioned.

"Yeah...they start kindergarten in two weeks. Sur's going into first grade..." Angad sighed.

"That's right...I keep forgetting she's older than Amber."

Angad laughed. "We all do. Amber acts older...she's upset that she's not going to first grade with Sur..."

"Oh damn...they start school too, don't they? Aditya and amber?"

"Yeah...Khushi didn't tell you?" Angad asked.

Arnav shook his head in a no. Angad chuckled lightly.

"She's been trying to avoid that topic. She doesn't relish the idea of her kids being away from her for so long, with strangers, every day. She's kept them close to loved ones all their life..."

And she left them with you for two days while she took care of Anjali. Arnav's brain quickly pointed out, making him smile.

-----

That night, Arnav and Khushi were yet again seated in another lavish restaurant, accompanied by Aditya and Amber. They were just as important to him as Khushi and although he wanted some alone time with Khushi, he wanted to do things together as a family too.

As the four of them sat there, talking over a hearty meal, a surreal feeling of peace settled in Arnav's heart. If Khushi and he overcome their past, then this is what the future held. The four of them would form a happy family, with smiles and laughter.

By the time dessert was served, Khushi had become an observer as Amber and Aditya swept away Arnav in an innocent conversation about their next hang out. Apparently the trio had planned a movie trip sans Khushi.

"You got to have dinner with him yesterday too!" Aditya had argued Khushi cutely, making Arnav choke on his beverage.

By the time the four walked out of the restaurant, the kids were practically jumping with excitement. Their chatter continued throughout the drive. Khushi noticed an instant change in Arnav's body language and behaviour when he talked to the kids. That was truly himself. The mask of ASR would slip away, the walls around his heart would crumble, and his lips would curve into a constant smile. If Khushi hadn't known him better, she would have thought that this was ASR's twin brother with a completely opposite personality.

"And we can try making jalebis again!" Aditya suggested. That simple statement snapped Khushi out of her thoughts.

"NO!" She said louder than expected. "Absolutely not. The three of you are not allowed to cook anything in my kitchen...especially not jalebis!"

Adi and Amby giggled in the back seat while Arnav winked at them through the rear-view mirror as everyone recalled the kitchen cum warzone incident from a few days ago.

"But mamma...you can teach him how to make jalebis! He's a very good learner!" Amber defended him. "I taught him how to play Chinese checkers and he learned like that" she tried snapping her fingers and failed.

Arnav stopped the car in front of Khushi's house; still chuckling at Amber's snapping attempts. He opened the doors for them and helped Aditya and Amber out of the SUV. The kids hugged Arnav, bid him a goodbye and ran towards the house after grabbing the keys from Khushi.

"You told the kids we went for dinner last night?" Arnav rounded on her right away.

"Yes I told them and they're too young to understand the concept of dating. Relax Arnav." Khushi suppressed a giggle at his anxiousness.

"Oh...Okay...uhh...well...You Know that you're welcome to join us tomorrow, right?" Arnav asked with a faint smile on his face.

Khushi chuckled. "That's okay. You can babysit the kids for an afternoon...it will give me time to relax. Maybe I'll go visit Anjali and Ishan..." Khushi rolled her tongue into her cheek seeing disappointment fleet across his face.

He covered it up soon enough and nodded solemnly. "Let me know if you change your mind...I'll pick them up around 3 in the afternoon."

Khushi nodded and he looked at her for a couple of seconds. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then...?" He trailed off.

Khushi raised an eyebrow. "Oh...um...didn't you want to come in for a coffee?"

Arnav rocked back and forth on his heels. "That is a very tempting invitation but I promised Akash and Payal a video call..."

"It's their wedding anniversary tomorrow." Khushi pointed out with a nod.

Arnav looked at her, slightly surprised. "You remember." He couldn't keep the hint of surprise out of his voice.

"Of course I do..." And ours is in three months from tomorrow. Khushi's mind added but she didn't put the thought in words. After seeing him break down yesterday, she wanted to be careful about what she said around him. But he took her by surprise when he spoke.

"Ours is in three months..." His voice sounded unsure, no doubt anticipating what her reaction would be.

Khushi smiled at him, glad that he'd been able to bring up the point. "Aditya and Amber's birthday is three weeks after our anniversary..."

She saw Arnav's eyes widen. From the look on his face, she could tell that he was doing some math, trying to figure out the date.

"I thought it would be four weeks after..." he started but Khushi interrupted.

"They were born a week early..." She explained.

Arnav nodded and silence fell between the two again. A couple minutes later, Arnav spoke again.

"I...I saw the video...the one that Kripa and Angad shot..." arnav said quietly, almost sounding sheepish as if he'd done something he wasn't supposed to.

"I know...Kripa told me. Did you watch the other videos she gave you?"

Arnav shook his head in a no' and then rolled his eyes. "Wow...you women really do talk about everything..."

Khushi giggled. "Not everything...but most things, yes. Anyway...I'll let you go...Akash won't be very happy if you're late..."

Arnav scoffed and Khushi shook her head. With a smile on her face, she took a couple of steps towards him and gave him a hug. His arms slowly wrapped around her and he rested his chin on her shoulder, inhaling her floral scent deeply yet subtly. Khushi smiled to herself, noticing the change in his response to her hugs.

-----

As expected, Arnav showed up exactly at 3 to pick up the kids the next day. After a quick hug for greeting and Khushi's instructions to the kids to behave, Khushi and Arnav stood at her doorstep, smiling at each other.

"I'll take care of them...I promise" He added quietly making her smile even more. "You're sure you don't want to come with us?"

"Yes, Arnav...I have things to do here, don't worry...I won't get bored." Khushi chuckled.

"Buddy! Let's go!" Aditya and Amber called out to him, leaning out of the car windows.

Khushi gestured him to go and gave him a quick hug to bid goodbye. The three of them waved at her from the car before he drove off and Khushi began her cooking preparation for the evening. When Arnav and the kids got back, there was a celebratory dinner, in the name of Akash and Payal's wedding anniversary, waiting for them.

As if it were an everyday routine, after dinner, Arnav helped Khushi with the dishes and then they together put the kids to bed. After a light chat over coffee, Arnav had taken leave. On his drive back, he was lost in thoughts of how normal and natural that routine felt. She didn't need to ask him to stay for a coffee after dinner; it was almost as if that was mutually decided. Somehow he'd become a part of the kids' bedtime routine in the last week or so. He'd been spending a lot of time at Khushi's place and reflecting back on tonight only made him more hopeful because this is what a future with Khushi, Amber, and Aditya would be like. Filled with smiles, laughter, affection, and happiness.

The next week, Arnav and Khushi were completely taken up at work. School was about to start and they had to finish paperwork for the enrolment of the kids who were of school age. Arnav, in the process of the work, found out that it had been Khushi who had managed to connect with a school in the vicinity and worked day and night to get the children in the orphanage education. She had even managed to hire a bus that would drive the children back and forth from the orphanage. He couldn't help the huge wave of pride that filled him at that moment. The amount of love and respect he had for her multiplied considerably.

He often found her in the yard, spending time with the children and he could tell that they loved her. When it came down to work, she was still Ms. No-nonsense. The staff members were still scared of her. She was still ruthless and dominating as the Manager of the organization. But he understood that. He, himself, used to be The ASR at AR Designs but at home, he was a lot calmer and nicer. In the cruel world, one had to be strong and sometimes ruthless to get your way in business. If anything, he was glad for this change. Not that she wasn't strong before, but now she had this aura that surrounded her that reached out to others and gave them her strength and confidence too.

Their dinners together had become just as natural as working together. Gone was the initial awkwardness of the first few dates for the most part. Greeting and departing hugs were also as natural for both. Even if their emotional bond became strong, physical intimacy, in their case, would come slowly and with Khushi taking the lead. That was very clear to both of them. Arnav could never muster enough courage to make the first move, fearing that he might upset her, and as usual, she seemed to understand him because she hinted her comfort level by making small gestures herself. Placing a hand on his shoulder, looping arms with him, holding his arm with her hand resting in the angle of his elbow, a quick side hug, or a dazzling smile.

It was the dazzling smile he was staring into as they sat at another restaurant, this time of Khushi's choice. Their fifth date! Arnav smiled, making Khushi's eyebrows shoot up in response.

"What? Why are you smiling like that?" Khushi demanded.

Arnav shook his head. "It's amusing watching you while you talk."

Khushi squinted at him playfully. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

Arnav's lips twitched into a small smile but he didn't respond otherwise.

"So what's so amusing about me talking?" Khushi pressed.

Arnav looked at her, surprised. "What, you don't know? You're telling me you don't know that your face and our eyes talk more than you...your expressions make you look exceptionally beautiful." Arnav's voice sounded extra husky as he dropped it to just above a whisper.

Khushi felt heat rushing up to her cheeks and she saw him lean back against the chair even more.

"That's my favourite part..." Arnav gestured to her cheeks.

Her hand shot up and her finger tips touched her cheek, where she knew a deep shade of red was taking over.

"Now your cheeks match your dress." He smirked knowing exactly what her response would be.

Her gaze lowered shyly and she blushed even more, making him chuckle.

She gasped and playfully hit his arm when she realized that he was teasing her. "You areso bad!"

"I'm bad? Take a look around Khushi and tell me how many men are staring at you. Those men are here with their own dates but they'd rather at look at you." His voice had a very minor threatening edge to it.

Khushi's jaw dropped slightly but she discreetly scanned the left side of the room and almost immediately looked right back at him. He was right. He gave her a lopsided smile as her eyes widened.

"And it's not bothering you?" Khushi asked rhetorically.

"Oh...I could go and beat every single one of them. Right now." Arnav replied in a no nonsense tone.

Khushi giggled. "Well...I'm going to think about those poor souls and get you out of here."

Arnav looked away pointedly as Khushi motioned over the waiter with their cheque. Khushi shook her head at him.

"Come on Arnav...it's not a big deal." Khushi whispered once the waiter left knowing that the staring men were forgotten for now.

"Fine. Let me pay, if it's not a big deal." Arnav reached for the bill but Khushi snatched it off the table, out of his reach.

"No way! The deal was that I would only come to dinner if you let me pay. You promised. Besides...I believe in equality remember? Come on." Khushi nodded her head towards the door.

Arnav looked at the paybook warily before reluctantly getting up. Shaking her head, Khushi hooked her hand inside his elbow and started walking out before he decided to change his mind about the payment. They made their way to Arnav's car, planning out their next date. Just as they turned the corner, a couple of hooligans looked at Khushi, the clicks of her heels being the reason of attention initially.

The men, clearly drunk, sat on the bonnets of their car which was parked a couple of spaces from Arnav's. One of them wolf-whistled and Khushi felt Arnav's arm stiffen as he clenched a tight fist. Khushi moved her hand up and tightened her grip around his upper arm warningly, indicating him to keep walking.

"Whoa...she's hot man...hey baby! Come here!" The other called out.

Arnav's arm twitched and Khushi felt his flexed muscles under her tiny hands.

"Keep walking." Khushi muttered, pleading.

She could feel his arm shaking. She ran her hand down his arm to his hand and entwined her fingers with his. Her free arm automatically held on to his upper arm. She squeezed his hand lightly, trying to help him calm down his temper.

"We'll be more fun than him..." the one who wolf-whistled drawled before guffawing.

And before Arnav could do anything about it, Khushi had let go of his arm, turned on her heels, charged up to the men, and slapped them both. The sound of the impact seemed to echo in the silence that followed. She turned to leave just as one of them started laughing, rubbing his cheek.

"Feisty...Man, I don't think you'll be able to handle her alone...it will be an amazing foursome. But we'll take her if you're not interested!" He called out to Arnav who was already marching up to them, teeth and fists clenched tight. Khushi clenched her first, and turned, ready to hit the cheap goon but before she moved another muscle, a blur of a fist flashed in front of her eyes and the next second she saw one of the men fall off the bonnet, grunting in pain. A second after that, the second man yelped in pain as he sprawled on the bonnet, cupping a probably broken nose.

"She's my wife, you bastard!" Arnav spat angrily.

Khushi whipped around and pressed the palm of one of her hands over Arnav's heart, clutching a bunch of his suit material at his waist with her other hand as she tried to stop him.

"Let's go Arnav." She pleaded.

Arnav looked at the men scathingly and tried to take a step forward but by some miraculous force, Khushi managed to push him backwards a few steps. His eyes shot daggers at the low lives as he possessively draped an arm around her shoulders and started walking to his car. Khushi let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and she walked along with him. Her right arm remained wound around his waist and her left hand continued to rest on his shoulder.

Anger was still rolling off of his skin in tangible ripples. She could feel the temperature rise in the car a bit as he started driving away as if his anger was emitting heat waves! There was a mad sort of fire dancing in his eyes. His jaw was clenched tightly. He drove with his right hand, his left hand balled into a fist, resting on his thigh. Even his breathing sounded angry.

Khushi sighed internally, reached over and covered his left fist with her tiny hand. She was well aware of his protective behaviour towards the ones he considered his own. She knew that he was probably contemplating turning around and beating those low-lives to pulp.

Eventually as he continued driving, under Khushi's gentle touch, the fist unclenched and his hand relaxed. Finding the opportunity, Khushi intertwined their fingers and pulled their hands into her lap, where she clasped his hand between both of hers. He gave absolutely no reaction to that and Khushi concluded that he was still too angry.

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Chapter 27: The Thing About Forgiveness

**This font colour is a part of the Video recording**

Her voice was small and pained when she spoke. "It's the only lie I've ever told them. It first came up when they were a little over two years of age. Seeing Angad with Sur and Prateek all the time had made them question why we had no one at home that they called dad'. I told them that their dad had gone to a different country because he had a lot of work there. That was the first time I ever lied to them. It wasn't completely a lie though...I mean, you were in a different country.

Then they asked me again...a couple weeks before you showed up here, actually. They asked me when their dad would visit them and I told them that he'll come visit them on their twelfth birthday. That was the second time I lied to them about it. I could be wrong but it seemed like Amber hadn't completely believed me...She'd looked at me sort of...accusingly...as if she was judging me..."

Khushi sniffed and wiped a tear. Arnav had looked away to hide the tears in his own eyes. He was somewhat relieved to know that she hadn't told them that he'd died or what he'd done. But he knew that the guilt of lying to her kids would stay with her all her life and that was solely his fault. The kids would eventually learn the truth as they got older. Of course he had run into her coincidentally but chances were high that he would have been absent for their 12th birthday.

"Why twelve years?" Arnav's voice was barely audible even in the silence.

"I figured twelve would be a good age to tell them that their parents were separated...they'd be old enough to understand...to cope...I know they'll be angry with me even then, especially since I'd gotten their hopes up about meeting their father..." Khushi paused to sniff again. "Maybe that's why Kripa has been trying for last 6 months to set me up with someone...so that the void of a father figure could get filled..." Khushi chuckled sarcastically. She looked at his hands, now curled into fists to the point where his knuckles had turned white. He was biting down on his lower lip and blinking rapidly.

"You should have listened to Kripa..." Arnav's voice cracked even thought he tried to keep it together. When she didn't say anything, he turned to look at her and found her glaring at him. Accusations, hurt, and anger in her eyes.

"No." Her voice was strong and collected. "I shouldn't have listened to her and I didn't because despite everything that's happened between us, despite the distances, despite the fact that I haven't seen your face in the last five years, I'm still a married woman. I am still someone's wife."

"Yes...someone who's given you nothing but pain, Khushi." His voice was dripping with guilt and self-loathing. "Someone who made you leave a family that you love, someone who left you no choice but to lie to your kids. You should have given yourself a shot at happiness...you deserve every bit of it." Arnav looked away, not realizing how much pain the words he was saying was causing him and her.

"Arnav!" She snapped, making him turn to face her. "Did you give it a shot with another woman? No. You turned Lavanya away when she confessed her feelings to you." She paused as she saw shock flicker across his face. Before he could say anything, she went on, her voice a lot calmer than before. "I overheard your conversation. But that's beside the point! The point is that I couldn't have cheated on my husband with another man. The point is that I am still Mrs. Khushi Singh Raizada. The point is that I am finally giving myself a shot at happiness...that's why I'm here."

He looked into her eyes and he realized that he had hurt her with his comments.

"Khushi...I'm sorry." Arnav sighed audibly, knowing that a sorry' wasn't going to cut it. "It's just that time and again I realize even more how much I've put you through and I just wish I could go back in time and change my decision of going in to work that day...all of this could have been avoided if I'd just listened to you and stayed home. I wish I could change that..." Arnav whispered.

"But you can't Arnav. You can't undo any of that. Just like I can't undo any of it. But we're trying to mend this, aren't we? We're trying to see if we can have a future despite what our past has been. You knew it would be difficult..." She looked at him and he just nodded. Everything fell silent then.

This was not how she'd expected to end their first date. She sighed internally knowing that this is how the first few dates would end as they caught up on the last 5 years. There was too much separation, hurt, pain, and guilt that they had to visit together before they could effectively lock up the past and open the treasure box of the future. She decided to change the atmosphere.

"I feel like going for a walk on the beach..." She said sweetly.

Arnav looked at her and frowned. How had she gone from the serious conversation to this request?

Just go to the beach, you moron. It means more time with her. That's what you want isn't it? You've already put this date down the drain with these stupid questions and comments of yours! Is this how you end a first date? Go. To. The. Beach.

The little voice inside Arnav's head encouraged him to start driving. They drove, in silence, through the semi-busy streets until they reached an isolated beach area. Arnav stalled the car but didn't move a muscle.

"So...Are you going to continue being a gentleman and get the door or should I get out myself?" She asked in a teasing tone.

He just murmured an apology and stepped out, slamming the door shut behind him. Khushi sighed. He walked around the car and opened her door. They walked side by side in silence until Khushi decided to have a talk with him. She turned to face him and found him staring at the floor. She grabbed his elbow and turned him to face her.

"Arnav..." She spoke in a pleading tone and he finally looked up at her. She smiled encouragingly. "You knew this would be difficult...we both did, right?" She paused, waiting for a reaction. When he nodded in agreement, she went on. "And you know that you won half the battle when you convinced me to give us another chance. I'm guessing the hardest part of any of this would have been to get me to agree...and now I have. So the worst is over, right?"

Arnav's eyes bore into hers and he knew she wasn't done speaking yet. She knew that he was listening to every word she was saying and she had to make sure that she chose the right words to say what was on her mind.

"The other day, I told you that I can't make any promises and I know you understand my reasons. But just like you understood me then, I need you to really understand what I'm about to say now." She saw him open his mouth to retort and she knew he would try to dismiss this topic. She didn't give him the chance and spoke quickly. "It's high time we stop avoiding this conversation. It needs to be done."

Khushi looked at him and waited for a response. When he nodded, she went on. "I agree that when you showed up the orphanage, I had no intentions of telling you about Aditya and Amber. I had no intention of letting you back into our lives. But now, as I stand here, I have a feeling that I won't regret this decision. When you spoke to me in your kitchen, my instincts were screaming at me to say yes then and there. But I knew I couldn't take rash decisions."

She took a step closer to him. "Do you know when my resolve first weakened, Arnav? When you saved Amber and hurt yourself in the process. That night, you were there to comfort me and reassure me that she was alright." Khushi paused and Arnav's mind pulled out that particular memory. I can almost forgive you for what you did to me. Almost. Arnav remembered that very clearly.

"When I see you with Amby and Adi, I feel guilty for having kept them away from their father for so long...I feel guilty for having kept you away from your kids! And if you hadn't shown up...I would have been guilty of that all my life! I would be being absolutely heartless and utterly idiotic if I even try to deny that I see the pain, the regret, the guilt in your eyes...in things that you do...things that you say. And I would be lying if I said that it doesn't bother me to see that. I can see it...you have changed. You've gone back to being ASR. But this ASR is vulnerable in front of me. He's agonized and guilty. All the time."

She paused to take a breath. After a long few seconds, she went on again. "Angad and Kripa went through something similar but look at them now...who would look at them and say that they went through something so heartbreaking? It wasn't easy but they managed...if they were able to pull their life together, I think we should be able to do so too. We're both guilty of one thing or another, we're both hurt, and clearly neither one of us is ready to move on in life with someone else. The only person who can help you get out of this ASR mode...this purgatory...is me. And the only person who can help me through this is you."

Arnav took a deep breath in and then exhaled as he absorbed her words. He still looked dejected and broken. He looked at the waves hitting the shore and braced himself. Her expression clearly told him that she was still not done.

"You can't give up after convincing me to give this a chance. Wasn't it you who said that you would do anything to make this opportunity count?"

"I did and I haven't given up, Khushi...I can't...I don't want to give up...and I won't until you tell me to leave...I just...sometimes I wonder if I'm even worth this chance that you've given me. The more I learn about what the past five years have been like for you, the more I feel like I don't deserve this." Arnav sighed; the burning sensation in his eyes warned him of the tears that were forming. "I deserve to be lonely and guilty."

If Khushi was hurt by his confession, she didn't show it. She didn't like seeing him broken this way. She's been there. She knows what it feels like and despite the fact that he's the one who put her through it; she couldn't let him put himself through it.

"I'm sure the last five years weren't a joy-ride for you either. And I don't know, yet, whether or not you deserve to have me back as your wife but I do know that this chance that I've given you, you deserve. Trust me, I would not have agreed to this if I had even an inkling of a doubt. I already told you what went through my mind before I made this decision...I just can't deal with you trying to change it now because suddenly you feel like you don't deserve it. Why don't you let me be the judge of what you do and don't deserve? Can you just accept the fact that I have given us this opportunity after a lot of thinking, without any kind of hesitation, and with an intention of giving this all that I can?" Khushi looked at his face as he started back at her with a tearful gaze.

He looked at her for a few long seconds before nodding in response.

"I'll be putting in more effort than I can gather but I just ask for one thing...please be patient with me. You know I'm not too good with verbalizing what's on my mind...I try to speak when I'm with you but sometimes the guards go up and suddenly I can't talk about it anymore...In these moments of weakness, please don't think I'm giving up...I wouldn't be lying if I said I really can't give up..." Arnav looked into her eyes, emphasizing his next sentence. "How can you give up on something when your life depends on it?" His voice was barely above a whisper and his eyes turned red because of the tears he held back. "And I don't expect you to forgive me...I can't forgive myself, either."

A huge wave of pity hit her as she realized that the man standing in front of her was more broken that she'd thought. He was vulnerable and the way he made it seem, totally at her mercy. Khushi was very aware of the fact that words and speaking of feelings was never a strength on Arnav Singh Raizada's resume. For him to stand here and say all this was a clear indication of how much he wanted her back. Of how much he was hurting- for he only poured out his feelings when really in pain. It also showed how genuine his words and actions were and Khushi made a mental note to keep this in mind every time she interacted him.

But what he was asking wasn't really an option. Not if they were to start over and try and have a proper future together. She thought about her words carefully before framing them into her sentences.

"But Arnav, what you're hoping for can't happen without forgiveness...Forgiveness doesnt make the mistake any smaller. Mistakes are forgivable if one has the courage to admit them. You've admitted it countless times. You've regretted it! Hell, you still do! And I read a quote somewhere...when you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you can sure change the future. Change the future is what we're trying to do, isnt it?"

"So you're forgiving me? Just like that?" Arnav accused. She couldn't forgive him just like that. He shouldn't be forgiven just like that. He wont let her.

"No. I can't. If you're seeking for forgiveness, you have to start with yourself. How can you expect someone to forgive you when you can't forgive yourself? But it's true, I just might forgive you the day you forgive yourself."

He frowned and she knew he didn't like her response. She exhaled and closed her eyes for a couple of seconds, gathering strength from the nature that surrounded them. Arnav bit down on his lip, trying to not utter the request that had formed in his heart. When she opened her eyes and looked at him, though, his control snapped.

"Khushi?" He paused, even though she was looking at him already. "Can...Can I get a hug?"

Khushi took a slow breath and exhaled dramatically. "I thought you'd never ask."

She closed the short distance between then and wrapped her arms around him. The conversation had emotionally drained her and she knew that just like the night when Arnav had saved Amber, she would find solace and comfort in his arms. It's funny how sometimes the one who hurts you the most is the only one who can comfort you, too. Life and its wonders.

Khushi felt his erratic heartbeat as she rested her head on his chest. She didn't miss the hesitation in him as he slowly wrapped his arms around her upper back. His grip was light and friendly. He knew that they weren't at a stage where they could be so intimate. The fact that he acknowledged this simple fact only made Khushi's confidence stronger. In this moment, she was absolutely sure that she won't regret this decision. She didn't realize he was crying until she felt his tears fall on her shoulder. A part of her wanted to let go of him and wipe those tears off of his face but she didn't move. From her personal experience, she knew that sometimes it was better to let the tears flow then try to hold them in.

He composed himself faster than Khushi thought he would. They pulled apart and Khushi hooked her arm through his like she had in the restaurant. They walked back to the car in silence, feeling lighter than they had in years!

- - - -

The next day, Arnav showed up at Kripa's house around noon, with Aman tailing him. Kripa had answered the door and had grilled him about how last night went. Arnav told her everything except for the beach conversation. He decided to keep that moment private between him and Khushi.

Angad and Kripa had congratulated him before leading him back into the living room where Sur, Prateek, Anjali-who held Ishan in her lap, and Aman-a recent addition were watching some home videos.

"Hi LG!" Anjali greeted Arnav, confusing him to an extent.

Aman snorted, trying to control his laughter, just like Angad and Kripa had looked away, trying to control theirs.

"What?" Arnav questioned Anjali.

"I said, Hello L-G" She grinned.

"What the heck is LG?" Arnav kept the profanity out of his sentence since there were children around.

"I thought you would know! It is your nickname, isn't it? Lad Governor? LG for short..." Anjali burst into giggled.

Aman chuckled but stopped when he saw Arnav glaring at him.

"What the-! Aman...you..." Arnav began his rant but Anjali interrupted him.

"It's not his fault! He didn't tell us anything." Anjali said picking up the DVD controller, and rewinding whatever they were watching. "Here. Watch this. We came across this last night when we were watching the home videos." Anjali patted the spot next to her, indicating him to take a seat.

It took Arnav only a second to recognize the face on the screen. It was Khushi. She looked annoyed. Arnav couldn't help but smile at her sullen expression.

"Get away, Angad!" Khushi tried to push him away.

Angad waved a chocolate bar in front of her. Khushi glared at him, crossed her arms and looked away. She looked angry!
The camera zoomed out then and Arnav saw that this video was shot during her pregnancy. His heart fluttered with excitement.

"She was so annoyed that day. She was craving for caramel Chocolate and Angad kept teasing her with the bar. She ended up throwing a vase at him." Kripa chuckled while Anjali giggled.

Arnav took a seat next to Anjali. The scene on the television switched to a different day.

"Khushi's babies seem to be playing soccer! So far, in the last two minutes, there have been 38 kicks!" Kripa narrated.

"Make that 39" Khushi corrected.

Arnav noticed that her belly looked bigger than in the last scene. After a bit more kick counting, the scene switched once again.

"And mama can't for you two to get here. We'll be the best of friends and I will love you more than anything and anyone in the world!" Khushi was talking to her belly alone in a room. She didn't seem to know that she was being filmed. She started humming what sounded like a lullaby and then eventually fell asleep.
Angad and Kripa quietly observed Arnav. Anjali was aw-ing at everything Khushi did while rocking her own baby in her lap, oblivious to Arnav's reactions.

"Just breathe Khushi. Breathe! You'll be fine." Kripa consoled a Khushi who had her face contorted due to the pain. Both her hands were clutching her belly and her face was as red as a tomato. They seemed to be walking towards the car.


"Smile for the camera Khushi!" Angad called out, earning a glare from both Kripa and Khushi.

"Sheetal! Take the damned camera from him." Khushi said through clenched teeth.
The scene shook a bit as the camera was transferred from Angad's able hands to Sheetal's'. Angad and Kripa helped Khushi out to the car. Angad helped the ladies in and got behind the driving wheel.

"Give me a call if Sur or Prateek give you trouble. Anjali will show up around six." Kripa said to Sheetal, taking the camera from her.

Khushi chanted 'Devi Maiyya' as Angad drove maniacally through the streets.
The scene on the screen changed again.

"Where the hell is the doctor!?" Khushi exclaimed, standing at the foot of the bed, bending forwards with the bed's support.

Kripa helped her around to the bed and Khushi paused in an awkward stance where she was neither sitting nor lying down.

Her breaths came out in puffs and her face turned the brightest shade of red.

"You should lie down. The contractions are getting closer."

Just as Khushi had managed to lie down, another contraction had taken her by surprise.

A nurse had come in after Kripa had pressed the assistance button. Angad was kicked out for a couple minutes and when he went back inside, Khushi was more irritated than ever.

"They told her she'll be another half an hour." Kripa explained to the camera.

"It's alright Khushi. You're doing great! Smile!" Angad focused on her.

Khushi's glare had everyone chuckling. Angad moved closer to her to get a close up of her face when another contraction came by.

"Aw, Khushi! You're as red as a tomato! Smile for the camera! You'll want to see yourself later!"

Khushi waited until the contraction had passed. Then, she turned to him like a tornado.

"Give me that goddamn thing!" Khushi yelped.

There was a whole bunch of scattering noise and then the wall rushed towards the camera fast!

The image was replaced by random scatter until the next scene came up.

"Awww...look at them! They're so cute!" Kripa cooed.

A very tired looking Khushi awkwardly held two newborn babies in her lap. The amount of love in her eyes as she looked at them was heart-warming.

"She looks just like you!" Angad exclaimed as the camera zoomed in on a newborn-Amber.

"And he looks just like..." Khushi started, looking at her son, and paused. The camera's focus switched to Aditya. Khushi sniffed as a tear fell onto her cheek. "Just like Lad Governor."

The scene changed again and once more Khushi was being filmed without being aware. She was still holding onto her infants and speaking to them.

"I'm so happy that you're here. I know when you grow up, you'll ask me about your dad and I don't know what I'll tell you then but for now, I'm your mama and your dad. I love you both so very much." And with that, Khushi kissed each child's cheek gently before wiping a tear from the corner of her eyes.

The recording ended and scatter was all that was visible on the screen.

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