Chapter 39: Bottled Up Emotions

"Akash sir is coming to India."

Arnav and Khushi froze.

Khushi didn't know whether to be happy or to be worried. Akash didn't know that Arnav had found her. How would he react when he figured out that there were secrets being kept from him? Khushi turned to look at Arnav and instantly saw the worry on his face. His eyes hadn't left Aman's face at all. It was as if the two men were communicating without words.

Anjali simply looked at the other three individuals in the room, confused.

"W-why?" Arnav managed to break the silence at last.

Aman winced slightly. "He called me this morning and told me that he found out about your injuries...he said that you told him what happened and he asked me why I didn't tell them."

"What did you tell him?" Arnav fired off at once, hoping that Aman hadn't mentioned the Police case.

Aman shifted guiltily. "I didn't tell him about Khushi M'am. I realized that you'd told him it was an accident...he's coming here to make sure that you haven't started..."

"Fuck!" Arnav swore out loud making Anjali flinch, cutting off Aman's sentence midway. "What the hell--"

Arnav's yell cut off midway as he felt Khushi hold onto his arm.

"Shh...Relax. He's your brother...it's natural that he wants to come see you, knowing that you've been in an accident." Khushi said quietly, trying to calm him down. She turned to face Aman. "You didn't mention the case, right?"

Aman shook his head. "No...I was trying to convince him to cancel his tickets...a mention of the case wouldn't help at all..."

"When's his flight?" Arnav asked, dreading the answer.

"The first one he could get is tomorrow afternoon, Canadian time...which is tomorrow early morning here. I've been asked to pick him up the day after." Aman explained.

"We need to make him cancel his trip..." Arnav thought out loud.

Khushi frowned. "Why?"

"I don't want him to know that I've found you..." Arnav explained, surprisingly calmly.

"If he's been looking for me...shouldn't you tell him that you've found me? Put him out of his misery..." Khushi frowned at Aman and then at Arnav.

"No!" Arnav's response didn't miss a beat. "No! If he finds out that I've found you, he'll bring the entire family with him. They will emotionally blackmail you into going back with them. You will be forced to go back by hook or by crook and I refuse to let that happen." He paused to cup her face protectively. "I promised you that I won't let that happen. If you come back, it will be because you want to...not because they forced you."

Khushi's heart fluttered at his earnest words. His eyes were nothing but pools of love, respect, honestly, and a slight tinge of pain as they looked down at her. The way he held her face was innocent, protective, and intimate all at the same time. She couldn't form a reply to his explanation even if she tried.

It made sense. She was very aware that if Akash found her, he would definitely make sure she goes back. After all, the only person who had promised to not look for her was Arnav and he had kept it. Akash had made no such promises...neither had any of the other family members. Even if Khushi managed to convince Akash that she didn't want to go back, he wouldn't hear a word of it once he found out about Aditya and Amber.

"Why don't we sit down and think of a solution?" Anjali suggested in a small voice. After Arnav's explanation to Khushi, Anjali had caught on quickly and had assumed what the scenario was.

For the next half an hour, the four sat in silence. Well, semi-silence owing to Ishan's cooing and whimpers. Arnav's mind was racing back and forth with supersonic speed. Various ideas had crossed his mind, one of them being that he returns to Canada for a few days and return back to India once things settled down. He had dismissed the idea almost immediately. There was no way in hell he was going to leave his wife and his kids back here. Another idea was to send Aman back to reassure the family that Arnav was okay but even that made no sense. As far as they knew, Aman was all he had here and if he went back; Arnav would be alone which would give Akash even a bigger reason to fly down here.

"ASR..." Aman spoke up after contemplating an idea in his mind for a long time. He'd had the idea on his drive here but didn't have the courage to put it on the table in front of Arnav. Arnav looked up at him, along with Khushi and Anjali.

"There is one way..." Aman said and his eyes flickered to Khushi for a quick second before they settled back on Arnav's face.

Arnav caught on to Aman's train of thought immediately. His eyes turned dark in disapproval and his lips set into a thin line.

"No." His response was flat and definite.

"It's the only sure way..." Aman said, almost pleading.

"I said No, Aman." Arnav's eyes flashed.

Anjali shifted uncomfortably. She recalled Khushi's comment about Arnav's colossal temper. Anjali had laughed it off then but now she was seeing glimpses of it. First in the morning when she told him about her past and then ever since Aman showed up. Arnav's temper was slipping through his control here and there.

Khushi looked between the two men and focused on Aman. "What way?"

"It's not necessary." Arnav cut off Aman's response before it even started.

"I wasn't asking you." Khushi shot him a 'shut-up' look and turned to look at Aman. "What idea do you have Aman?"

Aman tried to ignore the imaginary daggers Arnav was shooting in his direction and focused his attention on Khushi instead. "If Akash sir finds out that you're in Canada...He will cancel his trip."

Khushi blinked a couple times, letting the words sink in. "How would I be in Canada?"

"You wouldn't be...it involves you calling him or Payal M'am...and we let a hint slip that you're in the same country as them and that's all that's needed." Aman explained.

Khushi turned the idea over in her head for a couple of minutes, oblivious to Arnav's distressed stare. He wasn't too keen on the idea. He was desperately hoping that she would refuse the ridiculous suggestion.

"Okay. If you're sure it will work." Khushi sat up straighter as if trying to make her decision sound more firm.

Arnav stood up, clearly unhappy, and stalked off into the guestroom. Anjali and Aman flinched when he slammed the door shut behind him. Aman looked at Khushi wearily. Sighing, she stood up, gestured them to relax, and made her way to his room. She knocked twice and waited merely a second before walking in and closing the door behind her.

"Do you realize what you're agreeing to?? His idea involves you talking to the family." Arnav rounded on her right away, knowing exactly why she was here. Without waiting for her response, he held her shoulders and pulled her closer, desperately trying to make her see reason.

"I know it will upset you Khushi...and I don't want that."

Khushi placed a hand on his shoulder tentatively. "Arnav...if it's going to keep him in Canada...if you want him to cancel his trip and if this is what it takes...then so be it."

"Are you telling me that you'll be able to talk to them after all these years, without it affecting you?"

Khushi smiled sadly. "Of course not. I am going to be an emotional mess after the conversation but look on the bright side...I get to talk to them after all these years...Payal jiji, Akash, Nani, Mamiji, Mamaji...I've missed them so much but I've never had the heart to call them...this gives me a reason."

Khushi chose to look at a button on his shirt instead of his calculating eyes. A couple seconds of silence later, she felt one his fingers under her chin, tilting her face upwards.

"You're crying just thinking about it." He accused.

She held his gaze confidently even though a tear rolled down each of her cheeks. "Wasn't it you who said that I'm the bravest and the strongest woman you know?" She paused when she saw his expression soften just a tad bit. "I'm not saying it won't be hard...because it will be...I'll be talking to them after all these years and it won't be easy...but I can't do it alone."

His expression pained slightly. "You don't have to do this." He whispered equally painfully, as one his hand rested against her cheek.

She covered his hand on her cheek with one of her own. "I know...but I want to do this. I just need you to stand by me during this conversation."

Touched by her honest words, he closed the two step distance between them and rested her head on his chest; his arms wound around her just like hers snaked around him.

"I'll stand by you through anything, Khushi...always...until you order me away." He whispered.

*

Khushi and Anjali worked away in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Khushi was unusually jumpy as she worked around the small space. After she had convinced Arnav that she was ready to talk to the family, the plan had been set to be put into action later tonight. She'd been trying not to dwell on it too much.

Suddenly she wished that Angad and Kripa hadn't forced her to go home. They had banned her from returning to the orphanage until Arnav was recovered. At least if she was at work, she would have things to keep her busy and hence her mind off of the plan.

Anjali was just as jumpy as she helped Khushi around. Aman had taken Ishan away with him and now he was with Arnav and the twins in the yard. Anjali hadn't asked Arnav to not tell Aman anything about her past...would he reveal anything? Would she mind if he did? She had a feeling that Arnav wouldn't utter anything to Aman and for the life of her, she couldn't figure out whether that made her upset or happy.

"What are you thinking about?" Khushi asked. She'd been observing Anjali for the past few minutes.

"Do you think Arnav will tell Aman anything?" Anjali blurted the question.

Khushi turned to look at her with a serious expression. "Arnav's not the kind to gossip. He knows when he needs to keep something a secret."

Anjali sighed exasperatedly. "I hope he tells Aman."

Khushi's jaw hit the floor. She hopes what??

"Why??"

"Either Arnav or you...can't one of you tell Aman? I don't think I'll be able to..." Anjali chewed on her bottom lip.

"Anjali...that's not right. It's between you and Aman. You should be the one that tells him. You told Arnav, didn't you? Why can't you tell Aman? If anything...you know Aman better than Arnav...you've spent more time with Aman..." Khushi tried to explain.

"I'll see. Maybe when the opportunity presents itself..." Anjali trailed off, and Khushi groaned.

"Anjali...there is never opportunities for such conversations. You just need to find time and tell him. Of course, that's considering that you want to give him a chance...if you don't care about it then there's no point in telling him."

Anjali bit her lip and looked at Khushi. "Is it bad that I want to...eventually be able to give him a chance?"

Khushi smiled gently. "Of course it's not."

"Isn't it too soon?? Shouldn't it take me longer to get over my past?"

"Everyone's different, Anjali...things got a lot easier for me after Amber and Aditya were born...maybe it's the same for you...and who says you have to marry the guy right away? Test the waters...see how comfortable you are with it...but he deserves to know if you're planning on giving it a chance...it will make it easier for him to understand where you're coming from...it builds trust." Khushi patted Anjali's shoulder. "I'm with you no matter what you decide...there's no room for judgements between us Anjali. You know that."

"I know." Anjali gave her friend cum hero a hug. "Thank you."

Just as they pulled apart, loud guffaws of laughter distracted them. The two looked at each other with raised eyebrows before rushing towards the yard to see what the ruckus was about. Both of them froze at the open French doors as they took in the sight.

Arnav was, quite literally, rolling on the floor laughing like no tomorrow. Aman sat on the bench with Ishan in his lap, laughing at his boss. Amber and Aditya were moving around and about Arnav. Soon, Khushi realized that they were tickling him. The twins were getting a good laugh out of it, too.

"St...S...stop!" Arnav managed to choke out the words in between peals of laughter.

The kids didn't give up, however. They only tickled him even more, making him laugh louder. Khushi heard Anjali burst into giggles at the sight too.

"Oh my God! I think that's the first time I've seen him laughing like that." Anjali announced.

Khushi didn't have a response to that. In the five months she was living with him as his wife, even she hadn't seen him laughing this way.

As she observed the scene for a few more seconds, Khushi couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her either. The scenario was too funny for that. Aman spotted the ladies and stood up to hand Ishan over to Anjali. As soon as he had his hands free, even he joined the kids in tickling the great ASR.

"If...if...you...tickle Aman uncle...I will...give...you...a treat!" Arnav said breathlessly, trying to control his breathing.

Everyone paused for a second and the next second, Aman's yelp echoed at the kids pinned him down to the floor and started tickling him, with Arnav's help. Anjali handed Ishan to Khushi and merrily joined the trip in bothering Aman.

Khushi just stood in the doorway, laughing at the tickle war going on in front of her, all the tension of the pending conversation with the Raizada's forgotten in the moment.

*

"They all enjoyed the cake, shared the riches, and lived happily ever after." Arnav closed the book and turned his head sideways to see the twins fast asleep.

He smiled at them and leaned in to kiss their foreheads, like Khushi did every night. He turned off the lights, and made sure to leave their night light on before he exited the room, closing the door behind him. He saw her standing by the French doors, looking out into the yard, while Anjali and Aman sat on the couch, chatting. Nodding to them in acknowledgement, Arnav made his way to stand next to Khushi.

Khushi turned to face him, gave him a small smile, and then turned back to look at the yard. They stood there in silence for a couple of minutes, his eyes never leaving her face. She was nervous, it may as well be written on her forehead. Sighing, he looked out into the yard too.

"You don't have to do this. We can figure out another way." Arnav said in a small voice.

Khushi took a deep breath, undoubtedly to compose herself and her thoughts. "We don't have enough time. And like I said earlier...I want to do this."

Arnav nodded dejectedly. Khushi had made up her mind and as much as he knew her, there was no changing her decision.

"Let's do this." Khushi turned to face Aman and Anjali.

Within seconds, the four were settled on the couches in the living room, Aman and Anjali sitting together on the loveseat opposite Arnav and Khushi. Aman placed Khushi's phone on the table.

"A new sim card, as a safety measure. I've changed the phone settings so that they won't get the phone number. You will show up as an 'unknown caller' on the caller ID. Even if they somehow try to trace the number, we'll have destroyed the sim card right after the call. We'll be out in the yard...we'll wait for Arnav's signal to come in." Aman explained.


Arnav shot him a quick grateful look. There really was no necessity for Aman and Anjali to be out of the room during the call but Aman was trying to maintain the privacy. Arnav acknowledged the fact and thanked Aman for it through his gestures.

"You remember what to do?" Aman asked Anjali and she just nodded confidently. Aman turned to face Khushi and smiled at her. "Let's get this done."

Khushi nodded and forced a smile. She sat there twisting her hands together while Aman dialled the number for her. He put the phone on speaker and placed it on the table before he made his way out to the yard with Anjali.

As the phone rang on the other end of the line, Khushi's breaths became shallow with anticipation, her fingers being tortured as she continued to twist them together. Without a word, Arnav reached over and pried her hands away from each other as he took a hold of her left hand in his right and clasped it tightly, gesturing his support.

The call was answered after what seemed like forever. "Hello?" His voice was slurred due to drowsiness.

Khushi's breath left her in a whoosh' as her control over her feelings and emotions broke upon hearing her best friend cum brother-in-law's voice. She could feel the tears prickling behind her eyes and she clasped Arnav's hand tighter.

"A-Akash?"

Silence took over for a few seconds. And then came the reply in a shaky voice. "H-Hello?"

Khushi inhaled a breath and tried to speak more confidently. "Akash."

She heard him gasp at the other end of the line. "K-Khushi??"

Tears rushed into her eyes, despite her best efforts. "Hi." She managed to respond.

There was silence again. It had been years. How are you' barely felt adequate. What do you say to someone that you were speaking to after five long years?

"Khushi!" Akash exclaimed, pain seeping into his voice at this point.

There was a faint rattling noise and a second later, a new voice echoed through the instrument on the table. "Khushi? H...How...W-what...W-where...How are you?" Payal managed with difficulty.

More faint rattling noises, presumably Akash was taking the phone back. "Khushi where on earth are you?! Are you okay? Are you safe?" Akash fired off, sounding tearful.

"Mamiji! Mamaji! Naniji!! Khushi is on the phone!! Come quickly! It's Khushi!"

Payal's voice was distant but loud in the background.

"I'm fine Akash...and please...please don't ask me where I am." Tears flowed out of Khushi's eyes uncontrollably. "How have you been Akash? It's been a long time."

"It's been five years, Khushi! I've been looking for you everywhere! You could have called and let us know that you were okay! You could have kept in touch with me if not anyone else!"

"I know...I'm sorry...I just...couldn't."

Khushi heard multiple choruses of her name in the background and she assumed that the family must have barged into Akash's room.

"Hold on...I'm putting you on speaker." Akash announced.

As soon as he had done the same, Khushi had multiple people firing questions at her about her whereabouts and her well being. She answered their queries, crying silently, instinctively leaning into Arnav. Arnav himself had clenched his jaw tightly and tried his best not to cry at the telephonic reunion of the family that had been torn apart because of him. He could hear his family crying on the other end of the line. He could hear, see, and feel Khushi crying next to him. Her hand clammy in his, the tremors of her body absorbed into his.

"Don't you miss us Khushi?? Why didn't you call in all these years??" Payal asked in between sobs.

"I did miss you...I do miss you...all of you. I think of you every single day! I couldn't bring myself to call...I felt too guilty about leaving!" Khushi explained truthfully.

"Come back, Khushi bitiya!" Nani pleaded.

Khushi burst into silent sobs. The elderly lady sounded almost desperate as she pleaded her to come back. She sounded so fragile. So weak.

"I'm so sorry Nani ji..."

"No...I don't want your apology...I want you to come back!! No one is happy after you left! Not a single day goes by without a mention of you bitiya... we've all been lost without our Khushi...Akash has been trying to find you with Mahendra and Manorama...Payal has been trying to keep everything in control...even Chotte has become miserable...he's been affected the most...my Chotte is heartbroken..." Nani sobbed.

Arnav stiffened at the mention of him in the conversation. The last thing he had expected was anyone to bring him up in this conversation. He prayed to the higher powers that the family didn't blurt out any of his...activities of the last five years, before he came to India.

"He has been absolutely lost without you...I'm not asking you to forgive him...I can't...but I have to let you know that he's repenting...we've all punished him...I'm still punishing him...he has punished himself...He's hurting...he is tortured and haunted...he's become careless towards his health...If you see him just once, you'll know how much he's repenting..." Nani sobbed some more.

Arnav swallowed a lump in his throat as a few tears left his eyes. All these years, Nani had spent without saying a single word to him but behind her tough exterior, she'd been worried for him all along. She'd been noticing him...she still cared about him.

"Nani is right Khushi...He's been keeping his promise...even though it kills him to not look for you...he's not doing anything because he promised you that he wouldn't..." Payal chimed in.

"Khushi, if you don't want him here, he'll leave...you can live in your old apartment...or we'll figure something out...but please...please come back! I want my Khushi bitiya back...I want my Chotte back..." Nani tried her luck again.

Khushi had broken down completely and she didn't care about stopping her tears anymore. She had missed them and they had missed her just as much. Even after all these years, they were pleading her to come back. She had spent only five months as their daughter-in-law, and yet, they were worried about her just as much as they were about Arnav, if not more.

"I...I can't" Khushi couldn't believe the tremendous effort it took to utter those words. Every fibre in her body protested her statement. Her heart broke. She could almost hear the hearts break on the other end of the line. She hated herself for putting them through this. They didn't deserve it. Did they not think her selfish for leaving like that?

"I'm so sorry Khushi! I am so so sorry!" Akash's voice was strained with emotion. "If I hadn't proposed your alliance with Bhai...if I hadn't edited that pros and cons list of yours...you may have not agreed and none of this would have happened...I still would have my best friend with me...I'd still have my Bhai with me." Akash broke down at last.

"Its...not...your...f-fault...Akash." Khushi sniffed.

Arnav couldn't take it any longer. This conversation was more painful than he had anticipated. Khushi was trembling with sobs next to him and it was like walking on a path of razors for him to see her like that. He bit down on his lower lip and reluctantly waved to Aman.

"Please tell everyone to stop crying, Akash...this is why I didn't call before...I've hurt you all so much...I've punished my family for something that wasn't their fault...I'm never going to forgive myself..." Khushi squeezed her eyes shut.

Just as Akash was about to launch into his explanation, Anjali walked into the room and stood a few steps away from the table, to ensure that her voice sounded distant. She tried her best to not look at the couple that sat hand in hand, leaning on each other for support, as they sobbed.

"Khushi...if we want to reach Montreal in time, we need to leave now." Anjali said loud and clear. The next second, she had turned on her heel and left the room. Her part in the plan was done.

The sobs on the other end of the line paused as the words registered. Akash spoke first.

"Montreal?? Khushi!! Are you in Canada?!" Akash sounded hopeful.

Khushi bit down on her lower lip and sniffed. This was it. This marked the end of her conversation. "I love you all very much. I miss you. I'm so sorry. Bye."

Aware of the fact that Khushi won't be able to, Arnav had reached over and pushed the 'end call' button. But not before a string of words had escaped the protesting Raizadas: 'No!' 'Wait!' 'Khushi!' 'Call agai--'

Khushi covered her face in her palms and let the dam break. She vaguely registered a pair of strong arms going around her. She was pulled against a trembling body that emanated warmth. She turned to hide her face into his chest and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as she cried her heart out. He let her spend her bottled up emotions. He knew how liberating it was to let go and stop trying to control emotions. He had felt it every time Khushi consoled him after a nightmare. He had felt it every time Payal had told him to let go and let his tears flow.

"I've...Hurt them...so much." Khushi's voice was muffled and choked. "They're...n-never...going to...f-forgive me."

"Shh..." Arnav hugged her a little tighter to make his point. "They're not mad at you. They never were. They love you..."

It was then that even Arnav let go of his control and sobbed freely, finding comfort and some level of solace in each other's arms as they let the tears wash away a fraction of pain and a fraction of guilt. Eventually, after a long while, her sobs subsided as the overwhelming conversation took its toll and she slipped into slumber. Arnav held her close to him, silently providing every and any comfort he could. Her breathing was rugged and she let out a small hiccup every now and then. Her grip on his now dampened shirt was still tight, almost as if holding onto him gave her some strength.

A faint knock sounded on the glass door and Arnav lifted his gaze to see Aman's questioning gaze. Arnav blinked in approval, giving him the permission to come in. Aman and Anjali walked in with quiet footsteps while Arnav wiped his face dry with one hand.

"Akash Sir called. He said that you weren't picking up the phone." Aman gave Arnav a small smile. "He cancelled his trip."

Arnav nodded slightly. He hadn't doubted for a second that Akash wouldn't cancel his flight if he got the hint that Khushi was in the same country as them. Though he was glad that Akash had cancelled his trip...he was just as upset after seeing Khushi cry the way she had.

"Will she be okay?" Anjali asked, looking worriedly at Khushi. Anjali had never seen Khushi in such a state. She had always seen a woman who seemed rock-hearted and extremely composed emotionally. Having seen her breakdown like that had only reiterated the amount of strength the woman possessed to have been able to keep all these emotions in check all these years.

Arnav looked down at a sleeping Khushi with admiration and then looked back smilingly at the woman who considered Khushi her hero. "She's a tough woman. She'll be okay."

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Chapter 38: A Hero and A Victim

"What the hell happened???" Payal bellowed.

"What?" Arnav looked at the screen confusedly. As far as he could tell, their video chat connection was fine. What on earth was she screaming about?

"How did you get hurt?" She scolded.

Oh. Oh!

"f*ck!" Arnav muttered under his breath. He'd forgotten about that damned bandage on his head. He'd gotten so used to the thing in the past couple of days that it barely seemed alien anymore.

"You didn't start..." Payal trailed off, leaving the question unasked.

"No." Arnav smiled at her. "I promised you I won't do that again...I don't intend on breaking any more promises. I think I've broken enough to last me a lifetime."

"Then how'd you get hurt?" Payal was in her maternal mode right now and Arnav knew that she wasn't about to stop anytime soon...unless...but should he? It was a dirty trick. He decided to go ahead with it, anyway.

"Akash said that he may have found...her." Arnav spoke tentatively. Speaking of Khushi would take Payal's mind off of anything.

Payal thought for a few seconds and shook her head. "Just the name and the position in her company match...she's not Khushi."

Arnav tried to keep a straight face and nodded slightly. He'd been on this video chat for an hour now. Khushi was gone to drop the kids off at school and there was no better opportunity. After an angry call from the little devil, Sahil, Arnav couldn't refuse this request of his.

"Stop changing the topic...how'd you get hurt?"

Arnav groaned. "Okay...promise me you won't freak out."

Payal narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm doing no such thing. Now shut up and tell me...besides...you're kind of screwed...Akash is listening in on this conversation...I can bet you almost anything that he will bombard you with phone calls if you don't tell us now."

Arnav's eyes widened. What the hell?? He thought this was a private conversation. Seeing the disbelief on his face, Payal took the laptop and swivelled it a bit so that Akash was in the frame of view as well. Arnav glared at Payal accusingly.

He heard the main door open and a sudden panic started to fill him. What if Khushi walked in and said something this moment?

"Arnav!" Payal reprimanded him.

He sighed defeatedly. "It was a little accident...but I'm okay...just the stitches and a small wound on my arm...everything else is fine."

"Does Aman know about this little accident', Arnav?" Akash asked with a frown.

"Well yeah...but don't you go screaming to him...I told him not to tell you guys anything." Arnav's voice got louder towards the end of his sentence, when he saw Akash get up and storm away"undoubtedly to make a call to Aman.

"You should have told us, Arnav." Payal spoke quietly.

"I just didn't want you to worry..." Arnav tried to reason.

"But we do! We do worry! Even though Akash doesn't show it, he worries. Even though Mamiji and Mamaji seem distant, they worry. Even though Nani doesn't talk to you, she still worries. Even your five year old nephew worries, Arnav. Even though you tell us all that you're okay...we still worry because we can see that you're not. You haven't been okay in the past five years." Payal pursed her lips and her expression was tinged with pity. It instantly irked him.

"See! This is why I spend more time at the office. Stop looking at me like that. Stop looking at me so damn pitifully. I hate it. I hate seeing that expression on your faces. Why should you pity me, anyway?" Arnav was about to retort further when he recalled his promise to Khushi.

No. He wasn't going to do this again.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to compose himself. He looked at Payal meaningfully. "Look, I'm sorry okay...I didn't mean to snap at you. But I just figured that you guys have enough to worry about than having this small accident added to the list...and trust me when I say this. I am fine."

Payal looked at him for a few long seconds, contemplating his response. She sighed. "You know...I have noticed that you seem better ever since you've gone to India...spending time at the orphanage seems to be helping you in some odd way."

Arnav swallowed. How could he explain that it wasn't just spending time at the orphanage? It was all Khushi and the Twins. They were the real reason behind the change in him. He was yearning to tell them that he had found her. That he was a father of two beautiful children already. That he and Khushi were working towards, perhaps, finding a happy future together. He knew he couldn't disclose any of that. Not when Akash was looking for her the way he was. One seedling of doubt that Khushi was here and he would fly here first thing and try to convince her, probably even emotionally blackmail her, into going back with him.

"Arnav?" The sweet voice rang from the doorway.

His head snapped in its direction and he momentarily forgot his video conversation, where Payal's eyes had widened upon hearing some woman's voice.

"Yeah?" He smiled at Anjali.

"Did you take your medicine?" She waited for his response. When he nodded affirmatively, she smiled and went on. "I'm sitting out in the yard...let me know if you need something."

"Thanks Anjali."

No sooner than Anjali had left, Payal's voice brought him back to the conversation.

"Who was that?"

"Anjali...she works at the orphanage."

Yes, but what is she doing in your house??? Was the question that Payal didn't ask. Could this be the reason behind the delay in his return?? Had he found someone that he was attracted to? Was he giving himself another chance with another woman??

If that was the case, and if that was the reason behind his obvious happiness lately, then Payal wasn't going to interfere. She let the matter drop for now but she would bring it up again at a better time.

"I guess I'll leave you with your company. I'm going to make sure my husband hasn't murdered Aman through the phone line and it's time for Nani's medications, anyway." Payal smiled. "Take care of yourself...and Anjali."

Before Arnav could even process the comment and say his what the', Payal had disconnected the line. Great. One more thing to clear out with his sister-in-law. Just bloody perfect.

Sighing, he jumped off his bed and walked out into the yard, not quite remembering that Anjali will be there. He didn't even notice her sitting on the grass in the middle of the yard, with Ishan sleeping in a small rocking cradle. Arnav was too busy thinking about his conversation with Payal.

He knew that his family was unhappy with him and rightly so. He hadn't done anything to change the fact. He felt...normal...that they hated him after what he had done. Sure he had been grateful when Payal had forgiven him after Sahil was born. He was glad to finally have a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent his pain to but with the other family members, he justified their anger.

He, himself, had been angry at himself all these years. He knew that they worried about him, he could see it every time they looked at him but he had always told himself that he wasn't worthy of that emotion from them. They shouldn't be worried about a heartless man who hurt his wife and broke her heart so ruthlessly. Yet, they were worried about him. Just like Khushi worried about him.

Khushi. Amber. Aditya. Three words that summed up his world. Aditya, the sun; the one who had flooded Arnav's life with his bright smiles and warmth. Amber, the sky; the one who had provided an endless blanket of peace and serenity to his agonized soul. And Khushi, the one who had brought Aditya and Amber to life, the one who had brought the literal meaning of her name, in immeasurable measures, into his life. His happiness had indeed left him the day she left. And the day he ran into her at the Dargah, was the day when that happiness slowly started seeping back into his life.

This morning, he had woken up feeling the presence of all three. Peace, Warmth, and Happiness. For the second time in all these years, he had woken up without screaming. He had opened his eyes to find himself in the middle of another tug-o-war between the twins. And just like yesterday, Khushi had walked into his room for another round of a harmless banter before the twins left for school and Khushi for work. What had he ever done to deserve these three people in his life?

"Shouldn't you be looking ecstatic instead of worried?" Anjali teased as she took a seat next to Arnav on the small landing leading into the backyard, bringing him back to earth from his cloud of thoughts.

"I am happy...there's just some things that have been on my mind." Arnav muttered in dazed state.

"Maybe you're over thinking things."

Arnav's head snapped around to look at her. To say he was surprised would be an understatement.

"What?" she asked innocently. "I have found out this much about you in the little time that I've known you...you over think things. A lot. She has given you a chance and I've seen you doubt whether or not you deserve it."

Arnav smiled sadly as he looked away into a patch of lilies. "I know...I know I shouldn't but sometimes I can't help it."

Anjali nodded solemnly. "It's easier said than done. I know. But it shouldn't be hard for you...considering you're super buddy."

She chuckled and Arnav couldn't help but smile as he recalled the excitement Amber and Aditya expressed with this invention of theirs.

"Yeah...all of a sudden I'm some kind of hero..." Arnav said sarcastically.

A long minute later, he turned to look at her when she didn't respond. She was looking at him with raised eyebrows and an incredulous expression on her face.

"I meant it when I said you're someone's hero. You are no less than a hero for Priya." Anjali looked away from his face and stared into the patch of lilies he'd been looking at earlier. "You are to Priya what Khushi is to me. A saviour. An angel sent to us in our darkest times." Anjali whispered painfully.

When she looked back at him, the pain was reflected on her face, in her eyes. He wanted to look away from the familiarity of that expression but he couldn't.

"If it weren't for her...I'd be long dead along with Ishan..." Anjali paused when she saw a frown appear on his face.

"How come you encouraged Khushi to give me this chance? I know I shouldn't have but I accidentally overheard your conversation the other day...why let her give me a chance when you wouldn't and she wouldn't let you give a chance to Shyam?"

Anjali's face darkened and the glint left her eyes, a sort of rage replacing it. He remembered this is what Khushi looked like every time Shyam's name was brought up.

"You're nothing like him. Don't ever compare yourself to him." Anjali spoke slowly but strongly. Arnav blinked. That is exactly what Khushi had said.

"What he did makes your mistake negligible." Anjali turned away to look at her son. "You made that mistake when you were drunk...and just once. Shyam put me through that hell repeatedly, in his full senses. He knew what he was doing...in fact, he enjoyed it."

Arnav's breaths started shortening instantly. He felt an odd sense of rage rush through his veins. A sudden feel of protectiveness towards Anjali coursed through him.

"I was engaged to him for eight months and everything was fine...it was all sunshine and rainbows. Then one day he decided that he wanted to cross his limits. It was the first time he forced himself on me. When I woke up, he apologized and for some ungodly reason...I forgave him. Just like that. Maybe if I hadn't...he wouldn't have done it a second time." Anjali's voice was dripping with pain as she started into nothingness and spoke as if on auto-play.

"Every time he would rape me and would apologize and every damn time, I forgave him out of love. How could I not when he said that the only reason why he lost control every time is because he loved me so much. Because he couldn't have me close enough. I let it go on like that for over a month. I was truly blind in love to the point where I didn't see right from wrong." She paused to wipe away a lone tear that had escaped her eyes. "Then one day, he came up to me and told me to go sleep with one of his friends." She paused to look at Arnav when a gasp escaped him.

He wasn't looking at her, though. He was still focused on the patch of flowers; his jaw clenched tightly, his hands balled into tight fists, his knuckles turning white.

"Apparently his friend had offered to pay him...in exchange for a night in bed with me. I was angry and heartbroken that he would sell me off to someone. I was an orphan but that didn't give him the right to treat me like a prostitute. That night I realized that I meant nothing to him. I was, perhaps, only a way for him to make money. Before I could escape...he managed to pin me down...that was the last time I let him take advantage of me. When he left to bring his friend, I somehow managed to find the strength to escape. Of course I had no idea where I was headed, but I stuck to the shadows, trying to get as far away from my house as possible. And that's how Khushi found me...out on the streets, wounded, and hurt. I nearly got into an accident with her car."

A small smile crept up on Anjali's face at the mention of meeting Khushi. "She seemed no less than an angel to me at that moment. All she said was 'if you let me, I can help you.' And I remember breaking down into sobs in her arms. The next memory I have is waking up to find Amber and Aditya staring at me curiously. When Khushi talked to me next, she asked me what had happened with me. I was too ashamed to answer her question. I was afraid that if I told her, she would kick me out...raped women are stigmatized in this country and I was too afraid of being alone so I chose not to answer. But she knew what had happened of course."

"She didn't ask me the question again but she told me her story in a nutshell. It was her way of letting me know that she has gone through a horrible incident too and that I could share with her, my pain and tears. And that's what I did."

Anjali fell silent for a long minute, trying to compose herself. Arnav was trembling slightly due to the anger he felt. For a second, he wondered whether that's where she'd end her story but she proved him wrong by speaking up.

"A couple months later, I found out that I was pregnant with his child and it was then that she promised to protect me and my baby from Shyam. She gave me enough strength and support to become like her. To be able to get a job and get ready to lead the life of a single mother. She got me a job at the orphanage and kept my secret. No one knew what had happened with me apart from her. Within her, Amber, Aditya, Angad, Kripa and their kids...I found a family that I had yearned as an orphan myself. With their support, I found the courage to go and file a report against him...when he found out what I had done, he sought me out. He found me at the orphanage."

Anjali turned to look at Arnav once again but found no change in his expression or stance. She could feel the ripples of anger rolling off of his body, the tremors in shoulders and arm, a proof of his rage.

"It happened a couple months before you showed up. He found me alone in the building...it was fairly quiet...most kids off to school and what not. He dragged me out from my very desk...he did everything to make sure I didn't scream...I knew in that moment that I was going to die. I saw it on his face...he was going to kill me and my baby...but Amber, Aditya, and Prateek had seen us...of course they ran off to Khushi and told her what they saw. I have never seen her that angry. She was murderous. I can never forget the way she stepped out into that hallway, holding a baseball bat.

All I could do was stand rooted in one spot while she attacked him like a tigress. Hearing him screaming and yelling in pain, the security guard came too. But one look at Khushi and even he just stood in his place. Khushi was known for her temper, of course, but no one had ever seen her like that and it was quite obvious. No one broke away from the crowd to stop her. She was uncontrollable. If Angad and Kripa hadn't gotten there in time, I'm sure she would have killed him there and then. She even punched Angad in the face when he tried to stop her."

Despite the seriousness of the story, a chuckle escaped her at that particular memory. "It took three men to get her off of him, that's how angry she was. Police was called and he was taken away immediately, owing to the huge number of witnesses. The first thing she did once they had taken him away was look at me...before I knew it, I was holding on to her and crying my eyes out...the world was a dark place and she was my only ray of hope. I clung to her like a lifeline...she promised me again that she will make sure he never gets out. She had to involve Angad and Kripa into the issue at this point and they were supportive too. He's sentenced a lifetime in prison for repeated rape, trafficking, and attempted murder."

A long silence dragged out following her story where Anjali tried to close away the painful memories while Arnav tried to control the blinding rage that had him seeing red. Rage that was directed at Shyam. Rage so powerful that the little inkling of pride he felt towards Khushi was barely visible. He was unaware of his trembling hands that itched to hit something in order to let out the storm brewing in him. It felt like hours, though in reality it was just a few minutes, before anyone spoke.

"She doesn't know what she means to me...but only the lucky few of us who have these saviours in our life know the value of them...and that's why I said that you, Arnav, are someone's hero. I meant every word from the bottom of my heart."

Silence befell them again. Arnav was torn apart because of the one thing he'd done, that too in an intoxicated state. How people could put others through hell over and over again so brutally and not feel any regret was beyond him. Don't you ever compare yourself to Shyam. Khushi and Anjali both had said that to him. Now everything made more sense...the attachment Anjali had to Khushi, the relationship the two women shared, Anjali's obvious hesitancy at trying to give Aman a chance.

Maybe this was the reason why Khushi had been able to forgive him. Because she'd seen someone else go through worse. Because she had seen someone who was more beastly than him. She'd seen Shyam for the beast that he truly was whereas she had seen the repentance, regret, and pain in Arnav. Arnav was, in many ways, more human compared to Shyam. He had saved Priya and he could see now why Khushi thanked him for doing so. In that moment, that simple act of getting out of the car to help the girl out truly registered in his brain with the weight that it deserved.

"I'm glad she found you." His voice was so distorted by rage and pain, that even he didn't recognize it. "I'm proud of both her and you for getting through dark times and emerge as strong women...and I promise you...Khushi isn't the only one who's protecting you anymore. I will make sure you get all the happiness that you deserve. I don't have a sister, Anjali, but if I had one, I would do the same for her."

Anjali smiled at him slowly. "Thank you...but...There's one thing I hate you for."

Arnav looked at her worriedly.

"I hate you because you're going to take her away from me...her, Adi, Amby..." Anjali said teasingly. Arnav was surprised that he could smile after the heavy conversation.

"That's not for sure. She may refuse to come back, you know."

Anjali gave a short laugh. "Please...it's only a matter of time...you make her happy...that much is obvious."

Another short pause appeared in the conversation. Arnav decided to say what was on his mind. He felt that he owed his friend that much.

"He'll make you happy, too, you know. He won't care about what your past is. He said so himself." Arnav suggested.

Anjali looked away, knowing very well who he was talking about. "it took Khushi five years to give you one more chance...I went through all this in just the past year...it will be hard for me to trust another man..."

"Good things in life don't often come easy. Trust me. I know. But this time...you have two people protecting you instead of one. Always remember that." Arnav smiled.

A tearful Anjali leaned in to give him a hug. Suddenly, Arnav felt overwhelmed with the trust she had shown in him. He knew it couldn't have been easy for her to share her story, especially with someone she only met a few months ago. But for some reason, she had placed that trust in him. She was showing her affection through the light hug right now. What he didn't realize was that a simple promise from him had filled in the empty spot of a brother in her life.

As they pulled apart, something shiny caught Arnav's eye at the corner. He turned in time to see Khushi wipe away a tear from her lower eyelid. When had she got there, how long she'd been standing there, how much of the conversation she'd heard...they had no idea.

Seeing her there suddenly doubled the size of Arnav's heart to house the increased love, pride, and respect for the woman who was his wife, the mother to his children. Before another rational thought could cross his brain, he had stood up, closed the distance, and gathered her in a bone crushing embrace. Anjali stood up too, smiling at the couple.

Her job was done. She needed him to know how important he was to someone and she needed him to understand that though what he did was horrendous, there are worse people out there. She also needed him to know how strong Khushi had become over the years, not that she doubted he didn't know that.

A knock at the door interrupted the perfect moment and Anjali hastily excused herself to get it.

"I have never been this proud of anyone before. You are the strongest and the bravest woman I know." Arnav whispered to Khushi, making her smile dazzlingly.

He pulled apart slightly to smile down at her before pressing his lips to her forehead in a gesture of pure admiration. Khushi's eyes flew to his lips when his face was that close and she tried to turn her eyes away. Only...she couldn't. She recalled her dream from this morning. It was the same dream she'd had before, about their kiss on the bench in front of the rose bush, under a moonlit sky. For a fleeting moment, she was tempted, very tempted to just go on her tip toes and press her lips to his but she relented. One step at a time, she reminded herself.

When he pulled away again, she forced her eyes to travel up to his only to be captivated by them. In all these days, for the first time she saw no tinge of guilt in those brown pools of warmth.

To ruin the moment further, a panting Aman burst into the living room, looking haggard. He looked like he had just sprinted a mile and a half. It was one of the very few times Arnav had seen Aman looking so...freaked out. The man was usually well composed but at this moment, composure was far from him.

"We have a problem." He declared making the three other occupants frown in confusion. Arnav and Khushi broke their embrace completely to give him their full attention. He looked straight at Arnav and directed the next sentence at him, his pause signifying the importance. "Akash Sir is coming to India."

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Chapter 37: Start of Patterns

"KHUSHI!" Arnav's scream echoed in the eerily quiet house in the wee hours of the night.

Khushi's throat constricted as she paused with her hand on the knob of the door to her bedroom. She had woken up a couple minutes ago because of a parched throat. After downing a glass full of cold water, she was about to make her way back to the warm confines of her bed and blanket when his blood curling scream had filled the air.

She looked at the door of the guestroom, pain etched on every inch of her face. She knew what this was about, of course. He was having a nightmare again. The same one.

Her bedroom door opened and a worried looking Anjali stood in front of Khushi. The two women glanced at the door of his room simultaneously before turning back to look at each other. Anjali's expression was a mixture of worry, pain, sympathy, and encouragement. Khushi nodded in acknowledgement, wordlessly communicating with her. Anjali looked at the room of the guestroom before giving Khushi a small smile. Khushi turned her back towards her bedroom the very moment Anjali closed the door.

With a deep breath, and determination dripping from every pore of her body, she walked up to his bedroom and rapped on the door without a pause. She waited no less than two seconds to push the door open, even though her knock was rewarded no response.

She entered his room and found him sitting up on his bed, face held in hands, his hair a messy tangle of silkiness dampened by sweat, a thin sheet of sweat also covering his arms and neck. The shivering and trembling of his body coupled with the ragged breaths made her realize that he was sobbing silently, apparently unaware of her company. She quietly closed the door behind her and took measured steps towards him.

His body froze into a statue the second she stepped within an arm's reach. He made no other attempts to move or look at her but his body language screamed of his realization of her presence. She reached out and tentatively placed her small, warm hand on his cold, clammy shoulder. He inhaled deeply before he ran his hands down his face, in an attempt to clear the tears off of his cheeks. He stared at the door with bloodshot eyes, determined to avoid looking into her face. He didn't want to see the pity.

"Arnav?" Her voice was barely an audible whisper but it was music to his ears, to his agonizing soul.

His determination shattered; his head turned and his eyes slowly rose up to her face. Everything was expressed on that face, in those eyes...everything but pity. Her eyes were pools of worry, concern, and affection. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion as she tried to think of something to say or do. The stress lines on her forehead added a tinge of pain on that beautiful face. Her lips set into a thin line, illustrating her anger at the situation. Yet, all of these emotions were cleanly blanketed under a vast sheet of sheer calmness and peace.

His own face expressed naked fear and desperation. His eyes pleading, his tearstained face ample proof of the suffering, his trembling lower lip represented the inner battle he was having. Yet, he was unaware of how vulnerable he looked at the moment. He looked no different from an almost-five-year-old Aditya when he woke up from a bad dream. Khushi smiled a little as the words automatically came to her. It was a small sentence of two words that seemed to mean the world to Aditya after a nightmare. It was all it took for him to brush away the dream and go back into the embrace of slumber. Like father like son, after all, wasn't it? If it worked for Aditya, Khushi had an inkling that it would work for Arnav too.

Khushi squeezed his shoulder gently and held his gaze confidently. "I'm here."

Arnav swallowed a lump and the gateway for his tears opened once again. The moisture rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably as he let his arms snake around her waist and hid his face in the softness of her stomach, holding onto her for his dear life. She allowed the hand that was resting on his shoulder to snake around him so that it supported his upper back while her free hand reached the thick hair on his head, caressing and soothing gently.

Khushi felt the top of her night dress getting wet as it soaked up the tears he shed. She could feel the tremble of his lips through the thin material of her top as he tried to gain control over the sobs. Khushi continued caressing his hair as she held him against her snugly and protectively. She murmured the two worded simple sentence every few seconds reassuring him of her presence as if him clutching onto her like a lifeboat wasn't assuring enough.

When his breathing calmed down, Khushi gently pried herself out of his grip as she went to the nightstand in two quick steps. Picking up the small bottle of Ativan and a glass of water, she handed him a pill along with the glass, taking a seat next to him. She gently rubbed the middle of his back with her hand while he took the pill and drank the entire glass of water.

"Do you want more water?" She asked gently. He shook his head in the negative. Once she had reached over to place the glass back on the table, her now empty hands immediately reached for one of his. His hands rested on his thighs, balled into tight fists. Khushi's small hand covered one fist and her thumb stroked across, back and forth, between the knuckles of his little and ring finger. They sat in silence as he tried to absorb the strength and stability that emanated from her.

The silence between them had always been companionable. No constant exchange of words was needed. She remembered sitting by the poolside for hours with him, just reading quietly or looking at the stars, or doing nothing in particular and just enjoying that peace and quiet. It was one of the qualities of their marriage that both appreciated...and perhaps still did because neither made an attempt to say anything.

Arnav already felt that she knew too much about these nightmares...much more than he ever wanted her to know...which was nothing. He never wanted her to find out about these horrendous dreams but she knew. He wasn't about to tell her what he saw every day in these dreams. Especially not after he had just decided to move on and let go of the guilt. Knowing what his dreams were about would only make her think that he wasn't trying to let go hard enough. And he couldn't have that.

A few minutes later, Arnav loosened his fist and turned his hand over. Looking at their hands, he slowly entwined his fingers with her slim ones. They didn't know how long they sat there like that, quietly holding hands, but eventually, Arnav's eyelids started drooping. Khushi squeezed his hand once before she stood up. She nodded to him, silently telling him to lie down and get sleep. He followed as if he were a robot whose remote control was in Khushi's hands. She pulled up the soft blanket up to the middle of his chest while he watched her with admiration. She gave him a gentle smile and took a seat next to him.

"I know you're not ready to talk about it right now but some day, Arnav, I hope you'll tell me what these nightmares are about." Khushi said moving some stray strands of hair off of his forehead. "I won't ask you again...but I will be waiting until you're ready to tell me what you see in these nightmares. Take it from a mother who has seen her kids have nightmares of ghouls and monsters...talking about it helps."

She smiled earnestly, leaned over and kissed his forehead. Her gesture conveyed the unsaid goodnight'. Watching the faint smile on her face, still holding onto one of her hands, Arnav eventually drifted off into slumber; more from the effect of her presence rather than the medication.

*

As dawn broke out in this end of the world, another end was drowned in the hues of dusk.

She couldn't help the couple of tears that escaped her eyes and fell onto the photographs in the album resting on her lap. A small hand reached up and wiped her cheeks.

"When will chachu come back?" The young voice inquired.

"Payal?" Her husband's voice echoed from the doorway a second later.

She wiped her cheeks once again and looked up at him. With a sigh, he came and took a seat next to her, lifting his son, Sahil, into his lap.

"Chachu will be back soon, beta." Akash smiled at his son who was fond of his Arnav Chachu. The Arnav Chachu who had conveniently disappeared for a good few months now.

"And will he bring me a brother or a sister?" The innocent child questioned.

"We don't know yet honey." Payal caressed Sahil's hair as she rested her head on Akash's shoulder.

"Why don't you try to give him a call tomorrow morning?" Akash suggested.

Sahil looked upset as he crossed his arms. "No. I'm mad at Chachu. He promised that he would call me two times every week. He doesn't call."

"I will call him and yell at him for breaking his promise. Now go and wash up...it's almost dinner time." Payal smiled at him.

The child jumped out of his father's lap and ran out of the room. Akash pulled his wife closer and kissed her temple.

"You were crying." He accused as he pried the album out of her hands and started flipping through it.

"I wish things would go back to the way they were...it's not same...it's been five years, Akash...but the grief just doesn't leave the family." Payal said tearfully.

"Go back to normal?" Akash couldn't help but scoff. "You know that can't happen, Payal. We're all trying to deal with it...we're all trying to return to normalcy. But things won't go back to the way they were." Akash sighed, pausing at a family picture.

Indeed, five years ago, everyone was happy. In fact, five years from today, the family was ecstatic with Arnav and Khushi's wedding preparations. There used to be echoes of laughter and light banter in the now quiet and gray house. It was as if happiness left with Khushi herself. Oh, the irony!

"Are we? Are we trying to return to normalcy? Nani won't talk to Arnav...Mami and Mamaji avoid talking about Khushi at all...You are indifferent towards Arnav too...can't you forgive him, Akash?" Payal whispered.

Akash closed the album and put it away, looking straight ahead as his lips set into a thin line and eyebrows knit together in a disapproving frown.

"Akash...your brother needs you. You talk to him but it's not like before...you two live in the same house but might as well be strangers. You have seen what he's done to himself in the last five years...I'm sure you see him punishing himself...the depression...the nightmares...he's no better than a dead person walking around. The only time I see some happiness in his eyes is when he's around Sahil. Just give him one more chance..." Payal pleaded with him for the nth time in the last five years.

"The day I find Khushi, I'll forgive him. But until then, I owe my friend that much. Khushi to me was what Arnav is to you...you can't see him in pain for too long and I can't see Khushi in pain...and I don't even know what else she has been through in these years...I don't even know if she's dead or alive. It's like she has disappeared off the face of the earth!" Akash said frustrated with his failure at trying to locate her.

Payal reached out to place a hand on his knee and gave him a few seconds to calm down. Akash's temper had been no better than Arnav's in the last few years. The tiniest matter angered him to a point of screaming. He was better at controlling and calming himself even when angry, though.

Something Arnav still hadn't mastered. In fact, it had gotten worse. His employees were even more terrified of him now. Arnav was a mountain of seething rage, walking through life. Not many people knew, however, that more than half the rage was self-directed.

"I understand what Khushi is to you, Akash. I know you consider her your younger sister more than your sister-in-law but Arnav is your brother! Doesn't he deserve some sympathy from you?" Payal tried to reason once Akash had calmed down.

"My brother does, yes...my brother deserves my sympathy, my forgiveness, and my support...that's why I'm not ignoring him completely like Nani does...that's why I try to be civil with him...but until I find Khushi...I won't see him as my brother...I will only see him as the man who hurt her to the point where she broke apart. And that man doesn't deserve anything from me." Akash stood up and left abruptly, indicating the end of the conversation.

*

Arnav was in the middle of a repeat of the nightmare when he felt an external force on his body. His nightmare blurred around the edges. He felt another push and pull on his arm. The nightmare blurred further.

"Buddy!" A muffled voice called out to him. The voice sounded as if it was miles away.

He felt a force pulling him on the other side of the body too. His nightmare darkened to the point of being barely visible.

"Buddy!" "Get up!"

Blank. Arnav's nightmare disappeared completely as he slowly opened his eyes. For the first time in years, Arnav Singh Raizada woke up normally. Without screaming, without sweating, without his face streaked with tears.

The ceiling shook violently...or was it the bed? Another couple seconds later, Arnav realized that he was the one being shaken awake.

He moved his head from side to side to take in the twins who seemed to be enjoying themselves. Amber tugged on his right arm while Aditya had a hold of his left. He was the object of their tug-o-war. When they saw him awake, Amber put her hands on her hips, looking annoyed.

"And mamma says it's hard to wake me up." She said shaking her head dramatically.

Arnav chuckled as he sat up. Aditya crawled up next to him and sat cross-legged, looking up at his buddy.

He cupped his hands around his own mouth conspiringly. "We came to wake you up so you don't get in trouble." He whispered fiercely.

Arnav raised an eyebrow, amused at his son's antics. "What?"

"Offo!" Amber stomped her foot exasperatedly. "Get up and get ready before you get in trouble with Mamma or Anjali aunty."

"And why would I get in trouble with your mamma and your Anjali aunty?" Arnav questioned with both eyebrows raised.

"The rule is to be awake by 8:30!" Amber looked scandalized that he would even ask such a blasphemous question.

"And what time is it now?" Arnav looked around for his cell phone out of habit.

"It's noon." Aditya said glancing at the door nervously.

"What the!" Arnav jumped out of bed, making the kids giggle.

"Go! Hurry up! Make sure Mamma doesn't see you." Aditya made a big deal of getting out of the bed quietly, tip-toeing as if his mother would hear him otherwise.

"We'll help you sneak out." Amber looked around the room for something. Her eyes sparkled as her eyes fell on the blanket.

She dragged the large blanket and with difficulty, held it up for him. He looked at her, then at Aditya before resting his eyes on the blanket. What on earth was he supposed to do?

"What do I do with that?" Arnav pointed at the blanket.

"Uff, Buddy!" Aditya pushed him a little towards the blanket. "You're supposed to hide under the blanket while we help you sneak out into the bathroom."

Arnav grinned and tried to hold back his laughter, lest he upset the duo. Did they think that hiding under a blanket wouldn't attract attention? Children and their innocence.

At that moment, a knock sounded on the door before it opened. As soon as Khushi came into view, Amber and Aditya squeaked and hid behind Arnav, the blanket forgotten on the floor next to their feet. Khushi paused in the doorway and raised her eyebrows, looking at the two heads that peaked out from either side of Arnav's legs. When her eyes met theirs, they quickly hid behind him completely. Khushi frowned in confusion and looked up at him for an explanation. He seemed amused himself as he looked over his shoulders, trying to see the twins.

"Psst. Don't move!" Aditya warned.

"She'll see us!" Amber followed with her explanation.

"Ahem." Khushi cleared her throat and crossed her arms across her chest with a mock-stern expression.

Amber and Aditya peeked out from behind Arnav sheepishly and looked at their beloved mother.

"What are you two doing here?" Khushi asked with raised eyebrows.

"They were going to help me sneak out so I don't get in trouble with you." Arnav smirked.

Amber and Aditya gasped. Amber looked at him accusingly while Aditya muttered tattle tale' under his breath with a sulking expression, making Arnav and Khushi chuckle.

"Well, your buddy isn't going to get in trouble...but you two will if I don't see you at the table in five minutes." Khushi teased.

Immediately, the kids ran out of the room, yelping and giggling. Arnav watched them disappear with a content smile on his face. He wouldn't mind starting every morning of his life this way. Being awakened by the kids, having his wife lovingly scold them all when they did something mischievous.

"You too." Khushi looked at him sternly. "But since you just woke up...I'll give you twenty minutes."

Arnav nodded like a student responding to his teacher. With a smile, Khushi turned around to leave when he called out to her. She turned her body halfway to face him, her expression questioning.

"Thank you." Arnav smiled.

"For giving you twenty minutes?" Khushi raised an eyebrow.

Arnav chuckled again as he looked at his toes and touched his right eyebrow with the thumb of his right hand. He looked back at her to find her smiling at him.

"Uh well...thank for that too but the first thanks was for last night. For staying here until I went back to sleep."

"Don't mention it." Khushi smiled and shrugged nonchalantly. "Twenty minutes." She reminded and then walked out of his room.

Twenty minutes later, Arnav found himself seated at the dining table with Khushi, the twins, Anjali, Ishan, and of course, Aman. As usual, lunch was a loud affair. How could it not be given that Khushi, Aditya, Anjali, and Aman were at the same place at the same time? Arnav and Amber remained as silent spectators most of the time, occasionally rolling their eyes at the loud laughs of the others.

Just like the day before, Khushi looked on admiringly every time she saw Arnav feed Amber and Aditya. At one point, Aditya stuffed a spoonful of rice into Arnav's mouth, causing Khushi's heart to skip a beat out of affection.

The scene shifted quickly and an old memory of her, amber, and Aditya having dinner drifted before her eyes. They were still happy in this memory but the picture seemed incomplete. Then Arnav appeared in the doorway and took a seat next to her. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before he began his dinner. And then there was darkness.

She felt a quick pang of longing.

She wanted this. Perhaps, forever.

She wanted to see him feed his children. She wanted to see him love them and get their love in return. She wanted to see her family grow in front of her eyes and no matter what she told herself, no matter how much she loved Amber and Aditya, no matter what their past was, Arnav was inevitably a part of her family.

"Mamma!" Aditya called out to her for the fourth time.

Khushi snapped out of her thoughts and looked at him questioningly. "What happened?"

"Can I take part in the show this time, too?"

Khushi scrunched up her nose. "Sorry Adi...but I don't think you'll be able to find time to practice...you have school and homework now, remember?"

"But Mamma...I promise I will finish all my homework every day! I'll even eat the salad every day!" Aditya tried to bargain by offering to eat healthier.

"No you won't!" Amber narrowed her eyes at him. "You said that last time."

Aditya stuck out his tongue at his sister and turned to his mother. Then, he put up his puppy-dog expression and pouted a little. Khushi's eyebrows furrowed. The kid knew that his mother couldn't deny that expression and he used it to his advantage!

"Stop looking at me like that! You're such a little blackmailer!" Khushi sighed in defeat when Aditya grinned. "Fine...but you have to promise that you'll finish all your homework every day before we practice."

Agreeing right away, Aditya clapped excitedly and resumed completing his dinner. Soon, Aditya and Amber stood up and took their plate and cutlery to the sink. Announcing that they were going to finish their homework, the two walked out of the kitchen leaving the adults to themselves.

"Another show?" Arnav questioned.

"Yeah...Angad called earlier to inform us..." Aman announced.

"Aman...are you on a holiday here?" Arnav questioned with narrowed eyes.

"No, ASR. I'm here as your assistant but seeing that you, yourself, are an assistant to someone..." Aman teased, throwing a glance towards Khushi.

Arnav glowered at him. "Did you send Akash the designs I approved along with the suggestions I made for the ones I rejected?"

"Yes boss. Sent them to Akash sir and he has gotten back to me stating that they'll get on that right away. He also said that he will e-mail me the details of the New York fashion show and I will let you know as soon as I get them." Aman answered with confidence. Khushi and Anjali just looked at the two men amusedly.

"Good." Arnav picked up his glass of water.

"Watch out everyone...ASR is back in the house. Seriously...what happened to the man I saw making Jalebi yesterday?" Aman cocked an eyebrow.

Arnav choked on his sip of water. Anjali broke out into a stream of giggles while Khushi just bit down on her lower lip to keep from laughing at Arnav's expression.

"I swear Aman...if you ever repeat that again...I will fire you."

"Two thousand and forty seven." Aman sighed.

"What?" Arnav spat.

"You have threatened to fire me two thousand and forty seven times. Yet, here I am. Admit it ASR...I'm the best at my job." Aman smirked smugly. He knew he was risking it, trying to tease Arnav, but after their previous conversation and the obvious change in Arnav, Aman felt it was okay to tease. He had years of teasing to catch up, so why not start now?

"Shut up, Aman!" Arnav groaned although he couldn't agree more. Aman may be silly and annoying at times but the man knew what he was doing. Aman had been Arnav's right hand man for years and that was the one fact that hadn't changed despite what happened at the office or in his personal life at home.

"Hey! It's my kitchen. Keep your office matter outside of here." Khushi chuckled, trying to end the stupid argument. Anjali just looked back and forth between the two men as if they were playing tennis.

A few minutes later, Khushi found herself in the kitchen with Arnav's company. Anjali had excused herself to change Ishan's clothes while Aman had excused himself on the pretence of looking over some documents. After clearing the table, Khushi and Arnav stood behind the sink, washing the dishes.

"You really don't have to do this you know...go and sit in the living room. You should rest anyway." Khushi tried to grab a bowl out of his hands.

"It is just a couple of stitches and a flesh wound. It's not a big deal." Arnav shrugged.

He sighed and handed her the bowl sheepishly when she just glared at him disapprovingly, hands on her hips and her lips set into a thin line.

"So stubborn." He muttered under his breath. "Can I at least stand here?" He asked her pointing towards the counter.

She nodded as she washed the dishes. She was glad that he was behaving normally...but then again, he had promised that he would try to let go. So she cut him some slack and let him stand there. She could feel his eyes on her but he said nothing. What was so amusing to watch about her washing dishes was beyond her understanding.

She let her mind wander off into the thoughts of their conversation last night. He had said a lot in those few short sentences. Oddly enough, their silence last night after his nightmare also spoke a lot about their compatibility. He was here now, behaving like he had been before the entire incident took place. Then why had he denied her the promise when she'd asked?

As she started wiping the plates, he started putting them away, taking advantage of the fact that she seemed to be lost in thoughts. She was working robotically while her eyes were distant. Arnav shook his head at her when her hands tried to grab more utensils to dry but there were none left.

Boldly, he took her hand in his, effectively bringing her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him curiously.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice came out huskier than he had expected.

She looked at him for a few seconds, wondering whether or not she should bring it up again. He raised his eyebrows at her when she didn't speak.

Ah, what the hell.

"You said you couldn't promise that things would go back to how they were before the accident...why?"

Arnav's face blanked and he blinked at her for a few seconds. He had gotten lucky at the time in the hospital room since Kripa had interrupted and he hadn't had to answer but today, he knew he couldn't escape. He sighed.

"I'm pretty sure you know why I refused to promise you that..." Arnav squeezed her hand gently. "But after our conversations yesterday, it no longer matters Khushi." He smiled genuinely.

Khushi gave him a small smile in return. "So you're telling me that now you can promise me that things would go back to how they were?"

"No." Arnav sighed, making her frown in confusion. He gave her a cheeky smirk before leaning in a bit closer. "I can't promise that things would go back to how they were before the accident because I didn't do this until after."

And with that, he closed the distance and pressed his lips to her soft cheek. Khushi froze in surprise as the butterflies stirred a little in her stomach. He pulled back slowly and grinned at her before walking out of the kitchen, leaving Khushi smiling and blushing to herself.

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Chapter 36: Decisions, Decisions.

Arnav was pacing, once again, in the guest room, lost in the redundant thoughts when a knock interrupted him. Much like Khushi had earlier, Aman poked his head in.

"Can I come in?" He asked tentatively.

Arnav simply nodded and resumed his pacing, waiting for Aman to speak up. A few long seconds later, Arnav found Aman standing a few steps into the room, lost in thoughts.

"Aman?" Arnav prompted.

"Huh?" Aman jerked out of his thoughts making Arnav raise his eyebrows.

"Is everything okay?" Arnav stood in front of his manager cum friend.

An odd expression crossed his face before worry took over. He bit his lower lip and looked up at Arnav.

"I...I asked out Anjali..." Aman confided.

Arnav's eyebrows shot up immediately. In all these years, this was the first time Aman was sharing something personal. Aman, himself, didn't know why he was speaking to Arnav, of all people. Perhaps because he knew that whatever he told him, Arnav would keep it a secret.

"Aman?" Arnav prompted again when Aman didn't explain further.

"She said she needs time to think about it..." Aman sighed and his shoulders slouched. "She said I don't know enough about her past to make such a decision...but it doesn't matter, you know? Her past doesn't matter to me."

Arnav had no idea what to say to the man so he just kept silent and offered a listening ear...which, it seemed, was what Aman was looking for anyway.

"She's a single mother, I know...I don't know what the history is but I know that any man who let go of her must've been an idiot! I've been single for as long as I can remember and she is the first one in years who has attracted me this way...and now...I'm worried that she's going to refuse."

"Did you tell her that her past doesn't matter to you?" Arnav blurted, surprising himself. Hell, if he was surprised, Aman was shocked to find his boss offering words on this topic.

Aman looked at Arnav wide eyed for a few second before composing himself. "No...She didn't give me a chance to say much...I mean...I didn't want to seem pushy after she said she needed time..."

Arnav shrugged. "Then give her time. Sometimes, time puts things in perspective for you." Arnav said his eyes distant as he related the importance of time in his own love life.

The two men stood in comfortable silence, each lost in their thoughts until Aman spoke.

"Do...Do Y-You know anything? A-about her past?" Aman asked hesitantly.

Arnav shook his head and smiled, recalling Khushi's words. "No I don't...and even if I did...It's not my story to tell. You should talk to her about it."

Aman smiled at his boss and nodded. Arnav raked through his brain to find what to say next or what to do because Aman still seemed upset about the whole thing. This time the silence was a bit awkward because neither of them knew what to do or say.

"If Akash sir was here, he probably would have given me a hug." Aman chuckled, trying to crack a joke into the stiff atmosphere.

Arnav opened his mouth to say something but closed it when no words came to him. Well, he had already shocked Aman once today...why not continue the trend?

So Arnav took a step closer and gave Aman a quick brotherly hug. "Don't worry...it will work out."

As Arnav pulled back, Aman gaped at him with a jaw dropped, all shame and embarrassment put aside. He was shell-shocked at Arnav's gesture and wasn't going to bother hiding it.

"What?" Arnav questioned, sounding annoyed.

Aman closed his mouth and shook his head as if trying to clear it. "I don't know what Khushi m'am is teaching you but I should tell her to continue the classes. Seems to be doing you good."

Arnav smirked. "Yeah, do that and she'll make you a student too. Now get out...I've got some thinking to do."

"Are you sure you want to stay in here? I mean...we're all sitting in the backyard...having fun conversations...and..." Aman cleared his throat suggestively. "Khushi m'am is there too."

Arnav raised one eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Shut up, Aman."

Aman grinned. His boss, The ASR, was back in the room. Still grinning foolishly, Aman left the room and joined the crowd in the backyard. As he took a seat on blanket spread on the cool grass, his eyes scanned around for Anjali.

"She's gone to put Ishan on the bed." Khushi muttered to him.

Aman smiled sheepishly. The next second, his smile became devilish as he muttered, "ASR is in his room."

Khushi raised an eyebrow. "I didn't ask..."

Aman shrugged. "You wanted to."

"Shut up, Aman." Khushi smiled.

Aman chuckled. "Like husband, like wife." He muttered under his breath.

"What did you say?" Khushi's eyes zeroed in on him.

"N-nothing." Aman smiled innocently.

Khushi narrowed her eyes at him but let it go.

*

About an hour later, only the adults were left in the yard as the children had fallen asleep in Amber and Aditya's room. The five of them sat there and chatted about any random topics. From books to movies, from foods to places, from philosophies to politics.

Angad and Kripa were in the middle of an argument about the recently released Aashiqui 2 when Aman excused himself to get some water.

"Can you please make sure that your boss took his medicines?" Khushi called out just as he was about to step into the house.

"Yes M'am...I'll check on him." Aman smiled rushing into the house.

"He didn't need to kill himself...I think the director did that just to have a sad ending..." Angad argued.

"He sacrificed himself for her success because he didn't want her to let go of music for him." Kripa shot back.

Khushi and Anjali just rolled their eyes at them.

"Well, whatever it was...I thought the movie was great!" Anjali tried to break the argument.

"Yeah...and the songs were good too!" Khushi added in, picking up on Anjali's attempt.

"But see...it was more logical for him to be sent to rehab so that he could quit drinking instead of him--" Angad was cut off by Aman.

"Um...You should check on ASR..." Aman looked worried, almost shocked as he stood at the French doors looking out into the yard.

Immediately, the other four stood up, rushed into the house, and followed Aman. They were all somewhat confused when he led them towards the kitchen instead of the guest room. Everyone's faces portrayed various expressions of shock. Angad's mouth had fallen open. Kripa's eyes had widened. Anjali's eyebrows were arched high on her forehead. Aman's expression was blank with shock. And Khushi's face consisted of two saucer sized eyes, a set of lips formed into the perfect shape of an O.

"That is not my boss...That is not the ASR I know." Aman whispered furiously a few long seconds later.

"No it's not...that is Khushi's husband." Kripa whispered back, trying to suppress a chuckle.

Khushi had her mouth covered with one of her tiny hands at this point. Her eyes were still saucer sized as she looked at her husband. Kripa patted her shoulder and Khushi felt the other four leave. She wanted to call out to him but she couldn't. Her voice had disappeared.

Never in her life had she thought she would see Arnav Singh Raizada standing in a kitchen, by himself, lost in thoughts, frying jalebis!

This was such a Khushi thing to do...making jalebis when upset but since when did Arnav start doing that? She didn't know how long she stood there, looking at him as he made jalebi after jalebi. At last, when she felt her mind click back in gear, she removed her hand from over her mouth.

"A-Arnav?" She called out to him tentatively.

He paused and looked up at her, looking surprised himself.

"What are you doing?" She asked softly as she walked up to him.

Arnav looked sheepish as he turned the heat off. "It seems to help you when you're upset or bothered."

Khushi raised her eyebrows. "Are you upset? What happened?"

"No...I was just restless...I've been thinking a lot..." Arnav cleaned his hands with a hand towel as he spoke.

Khushi sighed, knowing what this was about. "Arnav...you--"

"No." Arnav cut her off. "It needed to be done. And your jalebi making trick helped...I can now fully understand why you do that..." Arnav smiled.

Khushi scanned his face, trying to find some hints about what was on his mind but she found nothing. She watched on as he picked up a jalebi and held it in front of her.

"How did I do?" He gestured her to take the spiral sweet.

Khushi blinked once and then looked at the sticky spiral in front of her. She took it between her index finger and thumb and couldn't help but smile at the warmth and the scent of the delicacy in her hand. She bit into it at once and looked thoughtful as she chewed on it. She made a face as she swallowed. Arnav raised his eyebrows at her questioningly and she smiled in response.

"I'm only joking...this is perfect!" She shoved the rest of it into her mouth and licked the sticky syrup off her fingertips.

"Great! Then I guess there's not harm in sharing." And with that, he picked up the plate and fled the kitchen, leaving Khushi standing there with a frown on her face.

"Stupid Lad Governor." She said to herself once she gulped. "Run all you want for now but once they leave, you're stuck here with me."

*

Khushi closed the door behind herself and turned to see Anjali stifling a yawn. Arnav had already fled the scene once Angad and his family along with Aman had taken leave for the night. Anjali had decided to stay back to spend some time with Khushi. While she was thinking about what to do with the Aman situation, Khushi's presence would be helpful, she knew. Khushi had reprimanded her saying that she didn't have to ask if she could stay over.

"You should go to sleep, Anjali. You look tired." Khushi noted.

"Ishan's been keeping me up at night." Anjali said lovingly.

"Don't worry...you can sleep tonight...I'll put him to sleep if he wakes up today."

Anjali smiled at her. "I miss living with you."

"Who told you to leave, then?" Khushi accused as the two women made their way to the backyard.

"I'm glad I did...because now the guest room is available for Arnav..." Anjali teased.

Khushi picked up the blanket spread from the floor and started folding it, without responding to Anjali's light hearted jab.

"He seems a bit worried today...kind of distant." Anjali noted as she picked up the cushions.

"He just needs some time to think about some things..." Khushi said absent mindedly. "And as far as I can remember...you have some things to think about too, right?"

Anjali sighed. "I can't put him in danger...being with me puts Aman at risk..."

"There is no risk." Khushi spoke sharply, stopping someone dead in their tracks at the French doors. "Shyam is in jail and he is not getting out any time soon." Khushi took a deep breath to control the sudden rage in her veins. "Anjali...when you think about Aman...do you see any ray of hope?"

Anjali bit her lower lip and nodded. Khushi smiled. "Then don't let it go, Anjali...don't let your past overshadow your present and future...it's not fair...it's not fair to you...it's not fair to Aman...and more than that...it's not fair to Ishan. I'm sure you see how comfortable Aman is with him..."

Anjali nodded as Khushi's words registered with finality in her head. The two women turned to go back into the house when they saw Arnav standing in the doorway. His eyes were fixated on Khushi with an unreadable expression. Anjali glanced between the two and then reached out to take the folded blanket from Khushi's hands. Quietly, she made her way into the house, past Arnav.

Khushi stood rooted in her spot as she saw him take steps closer to her. After an entire day of him running from her, she hadn't expected him to show up like this.

He had been raking his brains to put into words all that he wanted to express, all that he wanted to ask but as usual words had evaded him. Until this moment. Until he had heard her talking to Anjali about a ray of hope. That simple sentence had triggered a whole set of sentences in his brain and he wasn't going to waste any more time wandering about aimlessly.

He knew what he wanted. He knew what he needed. Khushi's advice had found its rightful place and Arnav had made a decision.

He would begin forgiving himself. He would start trying to let go. For her. For him. For them. For their children.

As soon as he stopped in front of her, he reached out and took her hands in his, unsure of where the sudden burst of courage came from. Maybe it was because of her presence. Maybe it was from the unfathomable emotion in her eyes as she looked at him.

He took a deep breath and began, getting straight to the point. "I want to trust your trust in me. I don't want to let our past overshadow our present or our future. All that matters to me right now is you, Amber, and Aditya. I'll do anything to keep you in my life and if that means letting go of the past...the memories...then that's what I'll do."

He rested her hands against his chest and took a small step closer. "You've been putting in way more effort into this mending process when it should be me...I'm being selfish and letting the guilt engulf me...because I've become attuned to it, Khushi...in a very sadistic way...it brings me some sort of peace... It's what I've accepted as a part of my punishment...it makes me realize I'm still a human being...that I'm not a complete emotionless, heartless beast...but now, I want to let go of that guilt...for you...for us."

Arnav paused to take a composing breath. Khushi gave him a small smile, encouraging him to go on.

"I know it won't happen overnight...everything is too deeply carved into me for that. Slowly, eventually, I'll erase it all as much as I can...but I can't do it alone...I'll need your help...Lend me some of your optimism...your strength...because I know that as long as I have you by my side, I'll overcome anything...I'll even manage to forgive myself with time."

Khushi looked at him, masking the surprise she felt very well. It always stumped her when he spoke so much without her interruption or prompting. Yet, the words didn't feel rehearsed. He had her full attention since the first word and she was still looking at him intently as if waiting for him to continue speaking.

A few seconds passed in silence but neither said anything. Arnav went over his thoughts once more to find anything that he had forgotten to say. He wasn't sure what to make of her silence.

"Now would be the time to say something, Khushi." Arnav said, nervousness making its way into his fluttering heart.

"I already said everything I wanted to when I talked to you earlier...and right now...you've sort of rendered me speechless...I wasn't expecting you to make a decision so quickly..." Khushi smiled warmly.

Arnav smiled. "You said it was the perfect time."

"It is." Khushi said with finality. She squeezed his hands lightly and looked into the warm pools of his orbs. "Thank you."

He felt his breath get caught in his throat for a second and the next thing he registered was that he had pulled her into an embrace. His arms found their rightful place around her slender waist while her hands wrapped around his chest. Her head leaning against it with her ear over his heart while his chin rested on top of her head.

"Thank you, Khushi...No matter how much I thank you, it will never be enough." His arms tightened around her waist and he felt one of her hands gently rubbing his back in a soothing manner. "I...I love you Khushi...Always have and always will...no matter what the future holds."

Khushi knew he was referring to what she had said to him. Somehow, her mind had very conveniently pushed away that bit. Now, the memory stared her in the face as he indirectly mentioned it.

"I can't promise you anything. I can't promise that...at the end of this...this dating thing, my decision will change. I just want to make sure that you know that because I don't want to lead you on. I'm trying to behave like I normally do around others and its taking a bit of effort...I can't give you an estimate of any timelines or any outcomes. I mean...how can I promise something I'm unsure of?"

Khushi recalled her own words as she listened to the erratic beating of his heart. She knew that, now, it was her decision. Though he had faltered a couple of times, he had regained his resolve and did what was necessary to keep this attempt going. She had helped him out with it. Now she had to sort out her own heart.

She knew she trusted him but how deep did that trust go? She knew she had locked away the past. But she hadn't dealt with it...she had ignored it. Sometimes ignorance was bliss.

Would she be able to ignore it forever? Was she ready to promise him a future? Was she ready to go back home with him if he asked? Was she ready to give him the rights a husband has on his wife?

She didn't know.

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